Rainbow: Same & Different
Review By: Gringo

Here is the truth because you suck! I last saw the Rainbow episode I'm going to write about a super-fun long time ago. Also, it was not super-fun. But that is beside the point! Stop questioning my actions! I just wanted to write a disclaimer of sorts explaining why there may be certain things in this review which don't make much sense.

BUT GRINGO - you say it like this, because you speak in SHOUT CAPITAL LETTERS - BUT GRINGO, NONE OF YOUR REVIEWS MAKE SENSE! Well, if that's what you say, FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, CUNT!

If that's not what you say, read on! So...many...exclamation marks it makes my head dizzy...! Today's episode from the clown house known as the Rainbow studio is called Same & Different. Can you guess what will happen? Perhaps something which is the same - yet sneakily different - will turn up! Well, first prize and a Red Snapper to the smart-ass over there! YOU ARE A WINNER!

In a nutshell (worst cliché ever): Zippy's alleged cousin Zippo - (the person, not the lighter (worst joke ever) - turns up. Although he looks and talks just like Zippy (the SAME part, you stupid fuck) he is different from Zippy in almost every way (the DIFFERENT part, if you need things explaining to you and also require burping and spoon-feeding like Dan).

This is Zippo. He's just like Zippy, except with a fruity dress sense and a stupid hat. Notice how similar he is to Zippy? DOESN'T THAT JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?!?! Bungle is taken aback at the discovery of Zippy's cousin, and remarks, "There's only one of me, I hope" Now, usually you'd expect Zippy to come out with a sarcastic quip, but this time, camp hippo-thing Geoffrey snaps "Two would be awful". What a winner! Bungle is quite clearly the biggest, stupidest, most irritating bear in the world, and he deserves all the abuse he gets.

Bizarrely - and here's the key part, children - Zippo talks with an obviously fake American accent. You see? That's how he's different to Zippy! Amazing. Zippo has clearly been hanging in the hood with his homiez, yo, because he raps, "I'm not nothing I'll have you know...I'm not nothing, I am Zippo". Classic.

Geoffrey slaps his strange children around (even though Bungle is twice his size) to announce some fantastic news! The house has yet another visitor! Who is the star this week, other than Zippo? Why, it's a woman called Jenny. However, as will become evident from the picture below, she clearly has no eyes. Lady No Eyes also quickly becomes Zippy's figure of hate for the day, because she confuses him and Zippo FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE. Plus, her eyes don't open.

For absolutely no reason whatsoever, the minute after Lady No Eyes is introduced, there is this rather insane cartoon:

And then it's back to the show. I'm not kidding (TEE HEE! KIDDING GRINGO!), it's really over that quickly. So act two has been set up - Lady No Eyes can't tell the difference between Zippo and Zippy. Suitably pissed off about this, Zippy decides to dress up in disguise to fool the woman.

After a freaky scene that involves Zippy, George and Bungle trying on disguises - Bungle puts on a woman's hat and dress, and Zippy dresses up like a pirate - the melon-headed one decides on dressing like a gypsy. A gypsy called Sylvestro. Just accept it and read on, we're almost done.

Zippy - I mean, Sylvestro - then recites a gypsy's lament. Download this piece of utter crazy shit now! If it's any consolation I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE'S SINGING, but I'm guessing it's something like this:

A gypsy stood by the castle gate
They sang so high
They sang so low
The princess up in her chamber lay
But it melted away like snow

No, I know it makes little sense. You shut up! Not much else happens, and Zippy's gypsy disguise is generally ignored by everyone. Then Lady No Eyes offers everyone chocolates, and Zippy grabs the box off her. Rumbled! Geoffrey tells her how Zippy always grabs his chocolates (not innuendo, I'm sure), and a good time is had by all as they laugh about how Lady No Eyes is such a thick fuck she can't tell two people apart. Can you guess what comes next? Yes, A TOTALLY IRRELEVANT SONG!

Listen with your eyes and download the song!

The shit? Lady No Eyes' crazy tune urges everyone to "listen with your eyes". How exactly does someone listen with their eyes? Weird bitch. As the show comes to an end, George sighs, "Isn't it funny how we're all different?" Well, George, let me tell you. NO, IT FUCKING WELL ISN'T. You may go now.

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