Cowboy Bebop
Review By: Joe

ANIME SUCKS MY FUCKING NUTSACK!!! This is what I think, at least in most cases. I feel that I have given most anime an adequate enough chance to prove itself to me and it has failed miserably on most accounts. Evangelion...CRAP! Poopin the Turd...SHIT!! Trignnnn...AIN'T NO GOOD FOR NOBODY!!! La Blue Girl...I have never watched that what you talk about?

Up until now the only anime I really enjoyed at all was the movie kind, like Princess Mononoke which I thought was pretty nice. I saw Metropolis too and that was OK even though it looked like Mega Man all the time. Anyhoo, I had always lumped Cowboy Bebop into all other anime without watching it and, therefore, I assumed it to be crap. The only real impression I had of the show was from a friend of mine who also hated anime similarly and had seen an episode of it and told me it was NO GOOD so I said "Boy howdy, must be no good."

I have, in more recent years, been told by people to give the Cowboy Bebop a chance. Ross, the famous man from this website, told me I should watch it. "SHUT UP, ROSS!" I said. "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING YOU A STUPID DORK AND YOU EAT FARTS." At one point, (in my Stuff You Should Be Watching thingy) I wrote that Cowboy Bebop was no good because it was anime. Some fine gentleman, seeing this, e-mailed me about it. I have lost his e-mail since but it said something along the lines of "I see you do not like the Cowboy Bebop because it is anime but perhaps you should give it a try because it really doesn't follow the conventions of most anime and it is superfine." As I recall, I sent him a really assholish response that said something like "Well maybe I will give it a chance but first I have to care enough to remember to do so and I don't." It was a rather dickish thing to say, in retrospect.

The person who finally made me watch Cowboy Bebop was my friend Colin. He told me it was a very good show. I still ignored it. Then, one day, we had nothing to do and it just so happened to be the date of Cowboy Bebop: The Movie's American release. Colin convinced myself and another friend of mine to travel into the NYC to see it. I got caught jumping the turnstile at the subway by some undercover faggotasscop and they had to run a check on my license to make sure I wasn't some kind of terrorist in a hurry to jump the turnstile so I could go plant a bomb on the subway tracks so we missed the showing of the film that we were originally planning to catch. HOWEVER, we saw the one after it and, fuck me with a whale copter, I enjoyed it.

NOW ARMED WITH NEW KNOWLEDGE, I began to make a point of seeing the show with my friends and, magically enough, I have now dubbed it my most favorite show EVER and find it to be one of the coolest things I have ever viewed in my life. BOY, DON'T I LOOK LIKE A DOUCHEBAG!!!!

So, basically, I was wrong about this show. I guess there is a first time for everything ha ha ha so funny. I would like to apologize to that guy who e-mailed me along with everyone who cried after reading I didn't like Cowboy Bebop. I know there were a lot of you like this. Now I will talk about why this show is awesomea power.

COWBOY BIZZYBIZZY is about a bunch of bounty hunters IN THE FUTURE (2071). They go around doing cool stuff and having adventures and being violent and just awesome in general. The reason the show is so sweet is largely because it really does break most of the conventional anime crap that most crappy anime craps up. Here are some of the things it does so well.

One, the show looks so much better than most anime. Apparently, this can be attributed to the fact that the show had a rather high budget for an anime series and it really helps out. The look of this show kicks your mother in the tit and takes her money. That's how awesome it is.

Two, the English dubbing is well done. You know how Dragonball Z and other shit like that has people going "OOOHHOO!! I WILL GET YOU!! HAH HAH HOO!!!" and everybody sounds stupid and not cool? Well, Cowboy Bebop actually has good voice actors (for the most part). I know anime purists (read: fat kids) always say "NOOOOOOO!! YOU CANNOT WATCH THE DUBBING, JOHNNY! ONLY SUBTITLES OR IT RUINS EVERYTHING!!!" Honestly, I can actually see how bad dubbing affects a show. For example, it made it much harder for me to take Trignnnn seriously when it was on Cartoon Network and was probably a factor that made me not care about watching it more.

The beauty thing is that Cowboy Bebop's English voice acting is so good that I feel it adds to the characters' personalities. I realize that you get some dialogue that can sometimes be radically different from the original but the overall message is the same and, frankly, the subtitles are so bland and simple (although Ross tells me that they're actually pretty accurate translations of the Japanese) that they are less cool than the English dubbing. At any rate, this is another reason the show is bonza. HERE IS MORE!!

Three, the show isn't fucking retarded. What can I say? Most anime is fucking retarded. There's always stupid shit happening like people turning into panda bears and people's arms turning into huge, organic guns and shooting holes into the moon and robots that bleed and just tons of stuff that makes me go "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS STUPID SHIT?" Bebop does a much better job of rocking by having much less retarded shit and having much more cool stuff like gunplay, fighting, and space battles that are all awesomely animated and directed. Basically, the story just kicks the cunt out of all other anime I have seen so far.

Four, the music is FUCKING SWEET. It's done by this Japanese lady (COINCIDENCE?!!) named Yoko Kanno. I didn't know Japanese people could make sweet-ass, swingin' jazz but evidently they can. This show has the best soundtrack I've ever seen for any sort of show, period. The wacky thing is that I don't even particularly like jazz but I like this a lot. Like it really is legitimately good music. I've seen this said by other people but it honestly affected me in the same manner. BEBOP IS FULL OF MAGIC POWERS.

Five, the characters rock the hizzy. Spike, the protagonist, is portrayed in an overly cool fashion that really works. On top of that, he has an awesomely dark past that kicks all manner of ass. Jet is pretty cool too but probably my least favorite. Faye is the girl on the show and, although she may be a cartoon, I'd have to say she's the hottest cartoon ever drawn. NO, YOU A DORK. Oh, and I actually like Ed for whatever reason.

Six, there is no tentacle rape. I think this is good.

The show isn't perfect, mind you. It doesn't break ALL the conventions of anime. For one, I still kind of think the animation is weirdly choppy or jumpy in many cases. It's something I feel I see in almost all anime and I don't understand it but here it's much less of an issue and you get used to it. Also, I think that Ein, the dog on the show, is so amazingly animated it's ridiculous. RIDICULOUS!!

Also, the show definitely enters into the sci-fi/fantasy world a bit much sometimes, leaving things unexplained. It's not as bad as other anime and some sort of explanation is usually offered but there is still stuff like this. One episode, for example, Pierrot le Fou, is about some crazy clown man who is bulletproof and can fly. It's explained (although not particularly well) that he's bulletproof because of experimentation done on him to make him into a killing machine.

However, it's never quite explained just why in the fuck the man can fly. It's still an awesome episode but it's stuff like this which still bugs me. It's a testament to how frigging sweet this show is that I still think every episode is worth watching even though some episodes honestly just have bad plots.

The third episode (Honky Tonk Women), for example, is based completely on the premise that Spike just so happens to enter a casino on the same day as a guy who looks a lot like him and dresses exactly the same as him and goes through almost the exact same process as this guy is supposed to before the guy gets to do so himself because he is late in getting to the casino. YOU GET ME? On top of that, the same episode continues to rely on other shoddy circumstances and ideas after this. It really gets to be quite stupid. But, as I said, there's still awesome parts and I can't say I truly dislike the episode. It's just one of my least favorite.

BACK TO BUSINESS THOUGH. The negative doesn't come close to outweighing the positive with this show. Most everything about it is so well done that your grandma would die of herpes if she watched it. No, really, that's a good thing! It does such a fine job that it made me care about the characters and that really is quite a feat (I HAVE HEART OF STONE). Oh, one thing about the show (I see everyone say this too) that is unfortunate is that it's only 26 (27 if you count the movie) episodes long (evidently, the size of a standard anime series). To some degree, it's cool that it's as short as it is but you're definitely left wishing there was more to see when it's all over and done with. DAMN YOU SHINICHIRO WATANANANANANANANANBE!!!

All in all, Cowboy Bebop rocks my pants in so many ways I can hardly believe it. I like this show so much that I ripped off the music, the ideas, and one complete scene from episode 5 for my crappy movie, The Enchanted Nemesis. I will now say that which I once denied. Even if you don't like anime, give this show a chance. I think it does everything so beautifully that it really is like the best thing I've ever watched...the show, the movie, every bit of it and I feel like an ass for having ignored it (and the people who told me to watch it) until now. It's not like this show has turned me into an anime lover. I've watched other anime since and I still can't say I care for it. It really is just this show. But, you know, it's interesting to me that this show has a higher budget than most anime and it's just so much better than everything else. This makes me wonder if all anime would be more awesome if more money were just put into it. GET TO IT YOU STINGY JAPANESE ASSHOLES.


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