Review By: Dan the Angry Conservative

The Macgyver television show is probably most famous for it's frequent mention on the much, much better show The Simpsons. So I figured "hey, this show must be good since it is mentioned by the greatest show on television." How wrong I was.

The first thing I hate about Macgyver is the extreme anti-gun agenda on the show. Macgyver refuses to use guns, even though they are great tools for crime fighters to have. Only the villains use guns. This is indoctrinating our youth with the idea that gun control legislation is a necessity.

The episode I will be reviewing is entitled "Silent World." This shining piece of script writing incompetence opens with three old Frenchmen sitting at a desk in a dark room. Obviously they are an evil crime syndicate. They need a specific kind of missile made by the U. S. Army. What do they need it for? They don't say. Do you find out at the end of the episode? No. Do I care? No. Do I hate Macgyver? Yes. Am I spelling "Macgyver" wrong? Probably.

They show Macgyver using a voice activated missile. He can control the missile, exactly, using his voice. A ridiculously bad scene explains all this. What isn't explained is how the same voice-activated technology is used to help deaf people hear. Macgyver puts some headphones on a deaf girl (DEAF GIRL, WHO CAN'T HEAR!) and hooks the headphones to the machine that 10 minutes ago was making missiles fly around and what happens? She hears birds chirping (a metaphor for life's beauty, and poor script writing).

More stuff happens. The aforementioned evil Frenchmen hire "the world's greatest thief" to steal the different pieces of the missile since no one has a built one lying around. And he is the single least attractive man I have ever seen on television.

Then this teacher for the deaf (later in the episode she falls in love with Macgyver, shush) has a dream and is like "hey Macgyver I had this weird dream with you in it." And then all the things that happened in the dream start happening in real life. There is no explanation for why this random broad has clairvoyance. Anyway, there really isn't anything funny about the dream, except in the dream a Moorish warrior attacks her and Macgyver. The Moorish warrior is a Black Muslim on horseback with a sword. And what real life event does this part of the dream parallel? Well, Macgyver and her are walking along and they see a black guy on a horse. That's it, God found necessary to warn her about some friendly black guy on a horse by having her have a scary dream.

I'm rereading this review and none of it is making sense to me. But just take my word for it that Macgyver is stupid and this episode in particular. The following is a cartoon of me stealing beer...

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