G4TV
Review By: Ross

I've recently discovered that my magical digital cable gets channels OVER 100!!!! Crazy! Most of those are ones that just play ethnic music over a blank screen though. However, it means I get TechTV! I am happy about that because TechTV is pretty good for dorky fags like me. Another one that I thought might be pretty cool was G4TV, TV FOR GAMERS! I play games and hence I am a gamer.

However, G4TV turns out to be about on par with Lifetime, WE, that other Lifetime, TBS (except when they have the Bond marathon) and OXYGEN. That means it sucks. I'm going to tell you why because my opinion is the right one.

First of all, all their shows are EXACTLY THE SAME. Sure, they have different titles, but in fact I probably couldn't tell the difference between any of them if I were watching. Second! All the hosts are hip, trendy and relatively good-looking young people who quite obviously don't play games at all. Everyone knows that 90% of all gamers are stupid dorks and at least TechTV's hosts are pretty representative of that. Gamers, gaming and games are by definition NOT COOL AT ALL and any attempt to make them so will crash and burn like this stupid, stupid channel.

Also, the people they interview are complete and utter retards. They had this one guy saying why he likes Timesplitters 2, and he said something along the lines of "I like how you can play with your friends and shoot them and blow them up, because they're your friends and not the computer." YEAH FUCKNUT, BECAUSE TIMESPLITTERS 2 IS THE FIRST GAME THAT LETS YOU DO THAT EVER. I MEAN, YOU SURE COULDN'T IN, SAY, TIMESPLITTERS 1!

Then they had this other guy and they asked him what his favorite game and game character was. I don't remember what he said about his favorite game, but for the character he said "I like Super Metroid, because when you die you get to see her naked! Snickersnicker" YEAH I BET THIS GUY PLAYS A LOT OF GAMES AND I REALLY CARE ABOUT HIS OPINION.

Yeah OK, if you get this channel don't watch it because it sucks!


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