Dismissed
Review By: Joe

HOLY SHIT! There was a bunch of stuff I had planned to review for this website but FUCK Y'ALL! I KNOW Y'ALL BE LOVIN' DIS SHIT RIGHT HERE! Instead I said "I want to write one of those reviews where I yell and curse a lot!" You smartasses out there who said "But, Joe, aren't all your reviews like that??" can shut up because all that means is that you visit this site often enough to recognize my writing habits you stupid dumb cunt fuck! I like yelling at imaginary people! Cunt fuck!

Now then!!! Dismissed is some show on MTV where kids fuck! Cunt fuck! No, no, let me explain better. The show goes like this: one gal/guy gets to go on a date with two members of the opposite sex (usually! I saw a commercial for a homo episode! Tee hee!). To make it easier on my poor, addled brain I will continue my explanation with the idea of it being a "guy and two girls" type of episode so I don't have to explain everything twice or something. So anyway, once they are out on their little rendezvous, the two girls do their best within the amount of time allotted for the date to make the guy want to stay with them afterwards and ditch (or dismiss, if you will) the other one so she can go back to workin' the streets and injecting heroin in her eye.

NOW I HAVE QUITE A FEW PROBLEMS WITH THIS SHOW BESIDES THAT ITS ON MTV DON'T ASK ME WHY I SAW IT AND SAW IT MORE THAN ONCE AT THAT I'M AS ASHAMED OF THAT AS YOU ARE OF READING THIS SITE LOOK AT THE CAPS MOMMY LOOK AT THE CAPS AND LACK OF PUNCTUATION AND COMPOUND SENTENCES AND POOOOOOOOO!!!! Now then. The reason this show sucks is because it's a bunch of stupid kids being stupid and like "Yo yo! You want to get up in my ho-butt?!" Christ, I can't keep one thought in my head for more than 15 seconds right-I LIKE FUDGE!! So anyway, fuck this paragraph it's not working. We'll start a new one. Ready kids, heeeeeeere weeeeee goooooo!!!!

Dismissed sucks because, for one, you can already expect a bunch of stupid, drunk-ass kids acting like the general jackasses they are because, well, it's on MTV and when you've seen one Spring Break-type show you've seen them all (and they're all Spring Break-type shows). The reason this show also really sucks is because the whole premise is bullshit. "Oh, hello, I will fall in love with this person in one night because she punched the other bitch in da face!" Essentially, it's a big contest to see how much flattery the two stupid people can vomit upon the other stupid person's head in an effort to win their "affection" (read: penis/vagina).

"YOU SO HOT I WANT CHO BUTT!"

"YOU SO HOT I WANT CHO BUTT...SEXY!"

AH! THE SECOND ONE WILL WIN.

This show also manages to take whatever little bit of human decency was left in the world, get it drunk, rape it up the ass, and throw it out the window of a moving car. Reason being, this show is basically a prostitution service set up by MTV. It's quite disgusting when I think about how very true this actually is. Here is why. Somehow, they manage to get people on each episode that REALLY, REALLY WANT TO FUCK (yes, women too!!) and, yet, also manage to quite often be reasonably attractive in a skanky, slutty kind of way. I don't understand where these magic people come from!! But, anyway, what I'm trying to say is that they have no shame at all.

One of the things that can be done in the show is the "TIME OUT FOR ASSFUCKING" thing. Both of the girls (in the example of two girls vying for manpenis again) get a little card that says "GET THE FUCK OUT, SKANK HO! OH SHITS!" on it. When they are feeling particularly horny, they present this card to the other girl and she has to go away for something like fifteen minutes so that the remaining girl can sit and have "chatting" time with the guy. THIS IS THE CUE FOR THEM TO SWALLOW EACH OTHER'S FACES. I've learned by seeing one too many episodes of this show that you'd be stupid to do anything but molest the motherfucker as soon as you get your competition out of there. If you try to be, you know, a decent person and actually talk with this individual, later on theys gonna make sho you gets DISMISSED, BABY!!!!! OH SHITS THE TITLE LINE!! Sometimes, usually on the episodes where it's two guys fighting for a girl, the guy will try to make it look like he actually got the girl alone to try and talk to her by starting up some conversation like this:

Guy: "So.........you like stuff?"

Girl: "Yeah! It's cool!"

Guy: "Yeah, so...YOU WANT SOME WET TONGUE IN YO MOUTH AND SOME FAT COCKPENIS IN YOUR CUNT!?"

Girl: "YEAH BABY! CUNT FUCK!"

Then they make out and consummate their half-hour TV show experience until the other person gets back.

What I'm trying to prove here is that it's not only a flattery contest but a contest to see who's more willing to put out and, especially in the case of the guys who want nothing more than to implant their member in at least one orifice at any given time, who's gonna be MO NASTY!! From what I know about my fellow peers thanks to the wonders of college, there's a pretty good chance that these kids all go fuckin' right after the show ends. Hell, there's a possibility that the person who gets dismissed gets called back to join in the fun later. WHY NOT?! STDS MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND. Since there's no way in hell I'm ever going to believe that MTV is actually successfully matching people up with their life partners on this show, I'm pretty sure that they're essentially setting up one-night stands. They know it, I know it, the participants know it, the viewers know it, and Ronald Reagan knows it and he's fucking senile! I try not to get mad about this sort of thing but this genuinely disgusts me. MTV really is like a pimp. On this show, they give someone two hos (hoes? But that's what you garden with right? So confused.) and that person gets to pick one of them. They bang them that night and likely get rid of them right after. YAY FOR MTV!!

As soon as I see evidence that the majority of these people have long, glorious, prosperous love lives in trailer parks following their participation in this show, I will continue my plans to bomb MTV with big explosive things that blow up loudly. Actually, I just thought about how funny it would be if they had like a "Dismissed Reunion Show" or something. You know, all the happy couples from who got together on the show years ago come back to talk about how great things are now.

"What?? You mean we were supposed to stay together? I just picked this bitch because she said she takes it up the ass."

"Yeah, I left her after one night. I thought that was the idea."

"Cunt fuck!"

Ha ha, that wouldn't work at all. I hope they do it.

Ah well, kids, I'm rambling (HAVE YOU NOTICED?! I'VE BEEN DOING IT SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE REVIEW!) so I'll let you go now. In other words...you're.......................DISMISSED!!!!! HAFJBAHFBAS KJFDBASFMBSAFKASFAJSKBFAKJS FALSKJFBALKJSFBASLKJFB ASFUBAPSKFJNALSKFNALKJB!!! AHFAKJSFBAKJSNSOFUNNY!!!!KAS FKASJNF:JNAW:JKN!:KJBNSD:FKLNA:FLKN:A CUNT FUCK!

I need sleep badly.


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