Adult Swim
Review By: Joe

WHASSUP, BABIES?! Okay here's the dilly, my homeslice dogpound junkie buddies. Not too long ago I wrote a little (except not little because it was huge and broken up into two parts as a result) article detailing what programs on television I felt everyone should be making a point to watch because my opinion is always right and it's about time everyone caught on and realized that. At the time, I had placed Cartoon Network's block of "mature" cartoons, Adult Swim, into the "not quite must watch shows but definitely up there" category. Well, I am here to tell you that I have changed my bloody mind and that you now MUST watch these shows. Adult Swim is a bunch of fucking great cartoons and I'ma gonna tell you about 'em. YOU SO LUCKY! GET THE GOLDEN GRAHAMS!

Now I hear you asking, "Does this look infected to you?" and I say to you, yes, it does but GO WITH THAT FEELING! I also hear you asking, "Okay, pooty, if you like Adult Swim so much why don't you just change your TV article to reflect that instead of writing a whole new one because when you write a whole new one I have to read the whole damn thing because my teacher is SERIOUSLY into the crack and assigns LTM articles as homework??" To this I say to you, WOW! Your teacher sucks! Also, the reason we make new article is because, one, I got the brain nasties and, two, Gringo is too lazy to make changes to currently existing .php. See!? That's why we update so infrequently! Also, the actual programming of Adult Swim has changed quite a bit since I wrote that TV thingy and, you know, I feel like it is my duty to guide everyone through these changes in detail. Some of them aren't gonna be easy and some are definitely not going to be fun but, by God, with teamwork and fat people, we can do it. ROCK ON, MY BROTHAS!!

Adult Swim is now set up as follows. It airs from 10 PM to 1 AM EST on Saturdays and Sundays. However, we are going to completely disregard the Saturday showings of Adult Swim because they are the "action" block. By this, it basically means that they are ALL ANIME SHOWS. And you know what they say about anime. "I'D RATHER BE ANALLY ASSAULTED BY PUPPETS WITH SPATULAS THAN WATCH IT." That is what they say. That's what I say anyway but I am trying to pass a law that allows me to refer to myself as "they" all the time. It will be called Proposition 374. You will vote in my favor or pay the price.

The Sunday block of shows on Adult Swim is the "comedy" block or, in other words, the good shows. This is what we will be focusing on. There are a couple of shows on Adult Swim and we will discuss them in the order that they are shown BECAUSE THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENED TO ME. There will only be pictures for the shows that I feel like getting pictures for because I am lazy and because we need to save bandwidth. Hey, while we're on the subject, do us a big favor and STOP VISITING THE SITE. Thank you.

Home Movies

This show is clearly the work of the people who used to do Dr. Katz on Comedy Central. Some people I know don't like this show and didn't like Dr. Katz. These people are doodies. Home Movies is, admittedly, not the best of the shows on Adult Swim but, I enjoyed Dr. Katz and I enjoy this. It's often not "laugh out loud" (LOLOLOLOPOOP!!!) humor because all the jokes are subtlety presented within the dialogue (it is a show with much talking) but they are funny when they are there, I think. You watch it please? Grandma Nanette thanks you.

Baby Blues

MORE LIKE BABY POOS!! HAHAHAHA YEAH!!! Actually, I don't think this show is that bad. It's probably my least favorite of the shows on here though. The comic this is based on is a piece of shit because, well, it's a comic that circulates in major newspapers so sucking is basically a requirement. "OH NO I WENT TO GET MY DOG SOME FOOD BUT TRIPPED ON THE PRINT-OUT OF AN E-MAIL FROM MY GIRLFRIEND! OH HA HA! THE SILLY DAILY TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF LIVING IN THIS MODERN WORLD!" It has come to my attention that I hate the funnies.

Anyway, all things considered, this show is not that much like its newspaper comic counterpart and is therefore actually somewhat decent. It's the most "normal" show out of them all because it's actually an animated cartoon whereas pretty much all the other shows on Adult Swim are exceptionally sparse on animation. It pretty much looks like they drew a few pictures and just keep picking them up and moving them around. They are also very strange. But they are better than Baby Blues so SCORE ONE POINT FOR SHODDY ANIMATION! UP YOURS, BABY BLUES!

The Place Where They Always Show You A Different Cartoon

I'm not quite sure when this shows up but sometime during the night, there is one time spot that always seems to have a different cartoon. Sometimes it appears to be a preview of a cartoon that is not yet a staple of Adult Swim and sometimes it is something that is supposed to be on, like Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law. I was under the impression that that was supposed to be a show that is on every week but I have only seen it once. It was funny though. I assume that this time slot is also when The Brak Show comes on. I enjoy Brak's antics greatly and wish I could see this BUT THE SHIT'S NEVER ON! FUCK YOU THE SYSTEM DON'T WORK!

Other things I have seen during this slot are some show about cowboys that was relatively funny but I can't remember the name and I saw Lewis Lectures which is about a dog who makes instructional videos. The dog is voiced by Jack Black of Tenacious D and some movies I've never seen fame. The show sucked hard. Don't watch it.

Aqua-Teen Hunger Force

Now we are getting down to the FUCKING GOOD shows. Aqua-Teen Hunger Force is a show about three crime-fighting detectives (supposedly, but they rarely do anything crime-fighting oriented). One is a big cup named Master Shake, Frylock is a big box of fries, and Meatwad is a big hunk of meat who can change into a hot dog and an igloo and that's about it. Each show starts with some evil scientist guy named Dr. Weird unleashing some evil on to the world (pretty much always by accident), at which point the Aqua Teens have to combat it or, more frequently, completely ignore it. Thus far, the evils unleashed have been a big robot rabbit, some Leprechauns, a mothman, some vortex thingy, and the Mooninites. Although I'm not sure I'm spelling it right, the Mooninites have easily been the best characters on the show. They are so great, in fact, that I will now talk about them in GREAT DETAIL.

The Mooninites are two very low-res guys from the moon who talk about how great the moon is all the time and smoke while they flip the bird and spit in people's faces. The big one is named Igniknokt and the little one is Err. I do not know if I have spelled their names right but that is okay because Jesus still loves me anyway! Igniknokt has the best voice ever, by the way, and he also says the best things ever. I'm not going to quote him right now because it would be a naughty to ruin such things. You kids should hear it for yourselves. SEE THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW, CRAPASS! Also, there will apparently be a future episode where the Mooninites return. I am glad to hear this and you should be as well. Watch this show. Smoke while you are doing so.

Sealab 2021

This show is also great. It is about a bunch of scientists or something who live under the sea…in a lab. This and Aqua-Teen Hunger Force are the two best shows on Adult Swim. It is frequently very strange but also really funny and that is all I really have to say about it other than that you should watch it because I am tired. I will mention that this show has what is easily the best theme song I have ever heard in my entire life. It is by a band called Calamine and is actually a decent song in its own right. It's a shame it's only about 28 seconds long because I really do enjoy it quite a bit. I listen to it everyday! I was going to make the song available here to download but you can get it from some illegal MP3-getting program so FUCK YOU, we need our bandwidth. Also, Calamine is not a bad band (the lead singer has one of the best voices ever, by the way) and I thank Sealab for alerting me to them. Also, for being really fucking funny. THANK YOU, SEALAB.

Space Ghost: Coast to Coast

This show has been around for awhile but they're still doing it so good on them! Although this is funny and weird like the other kick-ass shows on Adult Swim, I have to admit it's not my favorite. I always liked Cartoon Planet a lot more. It had more Brak in it. Why the hell did they get rid of it?! But, no, this is a very good show too. Sealab and Aqua-Teen are a bit better though. This show doesn't have a theme song by Calamine but it's a decent one anyway.

At some point, all the cartoons on Adult Swim just start repeating on into the night so this is about where I'm done. You will notice I did not provide the time slots of each show here because I did not feel like it. You could check www.adultswim.com for show times but your best bet is to just turn on Cartoon Network at 10 PM on Sunday nights and then never turn it off again EVER. Your electricity bill will be astronomical. And that was really my objective all along.


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