How The George Stole An Election



Come closer, dear friends for a story of cheer
A tale of what happened one magical year
Without fanfare, or exaggeration, or even a band
The story of how the George learned to ruin a land

Down in the South in a cave by the sun,
A meanie named George was having no fun.
He wasn't a conservative, small-minded pig
His liver was simply two drinks too big.

He was born with a spoon tight up in his nose
The colour was silver, the bank account grows
The George never did a daily days work
To him hard labour was something to shirk

Early one November, on a cold, chillery day,
The George was determined to get his own way.
He watched from his cave by the sun
The Whonited States people all having fun.

They lived in a land of money that grew
Chances for many, not just for the few
The George didn't like this not one bitty bit
He saw the country as full of rot-rot crapshit.

"But how to stop the Whos having fun?"
The George wondered in his cave by the sun.
His brain was all wonky from the powder within
The drug-induced voices were pounding a din.

Yet the George soon had a supersilly idea
The words TAX, KILL, WAR all rang in his ear
A grin grew on his face, as big as a mile
"It'll be goodbye Whonited States in a while"

The George tapped his fingers as he made up a plan
Easier than the time he escaped serving in Vietnam!
He would become ruler of this Whonited land
And ruin it greatly - the plan sure was grand!

So the George danced all through the Whonited States
Taxing by stealth and opening gravy train gates
Where once was a choice for two manlys to kiss
Now was a chair, 'twas electric, fried with a hiss

The George got a hold of the foreigner Whos
And told them to pack up their bags and their shoes
Then he delved deep, deep in the pockets of the poor
And spent all their money on a Hugh Heffner whore.

But the George hit a problemation in a house of white
Little Al-Lou-Who had stayed up all night
He was busy working on lies and spin
But was disturbed by the George's loud, loud din

"Why are you snatching all that is good from us?"
Asked Al-Lou-Who, causing the George to fuss.
"I lied and I cheated but don't like being defeated"
Said Al-Lou-Who to the George he'd just greeted.

"I'll tell you," said the George, "my plan you will hate"
"You see, my daddy once was Kingly of every Whonited State
"He never got chance for his idea for a superious place
"A Whonited States made up of one united Republican race"

But Al-Lou-Who had other ideas in his brain
He'd run to be President, try just once again
Yet the George had a powerful plan on his side
Spin, lies and Texans made an unstoppable tide.

So he started a campaign, did the little Al Gore.
To take back the Presidency in 2004.
The election was close, the George barely won
But once again Al-Lou-Who was nowhere near done.

He marched to the court and demanded a new poll
But the curse of stupidity then took its toll.
The judges and judgettes said he had no case to win
So in 2004, the George, by stealing, got back in.

And that, I tell you the truth, my dear friends
Is where our story of the George really ends
The Whonited States took a number of hits
And now the whole worldly world is deep in the shits.