Billy Mays: Bung Hole Extraordinaire
Written By: Lauren

In case you live under a rock on Uranus (hahahaha) and you don't know who Billy Mays is, he is the Orange Glo/Oxiclean spokesman. He is the guy with the beard that takes a crap on peoples' shirts then goes, "SHIT STAINS ARE NO MATCH FOR THE POWER OF OXICLEAN!!!!" then puts their clothes in a tub full of 87 gallons of oxiclean and yells some more. Besides being a spokesman he also happens to be the biggest cock smooch on the face of the earth.

"I'M GOING TO CLEAN THIS BOWL OF MY FECES.... WITH OXICLEAN!!!"

Why does Billy-boy feel its necessary to yell every last goddamn thing he says. This moron even yells when he is not pitching for the ol' oxiclean. Here is an example of some actual dialog at his home in Bungholia:

Billy Mays: "WHAT'S FOR DINNER, HONEY!?!?"
His husband: "Meat Loaf."
Billy Mays: "MY FAVORITE!!"

Wow, that was really stupid, and I'm sorry. But as you see he didn't never not even has ever not even yelled...ever. So why does he have to shout all the time, like a kid that rides the short bus? From years and years of inhaling the toxic and nauseous fumes from his miracle brain damaging products.

Another thing that asses me off about this piss is his shitting-eating grin. Its like he is thinking to himself, "I'M RIPPING THESE BASTARDS OFF!!!" Yes, he even yells inside his own head. In every commercial he has this crook/dick smile on his face. Take a look:

Ahhhh! That's going to replace the mime in my nightmares.

When is the insanity going to end? Never. Billy Mays is a God. An immortal spawned in the fiery pits of infomercial hell. The only way to kill a demon is with a demon! Prepare to meet your match:

Billy Mays, dying is freeee!!!

So there you have it. Why Billy Mays is a bung hole extraordinaire!


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