Up The Wall
Written By: Lauren

What up mother bitches? By now I bet you are wondering (no) how you can get as many women as Pimp Masta Daddy Smooth Ice Lauren. Well obviously if you have a lot money, but besides that. I will tell you how...wall flips! Word!

First you need to get psyched. Basically this means staring at the wall and trying to pretend you're brave. I will demonstrate this. Note: I have large balls.

Next, get three or four paces away from the wall. Just enough so you can get a good running start (not too fast) and be the right distance from the wall. You don't want to be too close or too far away when you place your foot on the wall as that could lead to death! DEATH!

Now jump and place your dominant foot on the wall about head level.

Look backwards, lean backwards (very important) and throw your hands back for extra momentum. Don't bail out and lean sideways!

Holy shit! In my poor attempt to be humorous, I just landed sideways on my foot and bent my toes back too far! Thus demonstrating the importance of leaning STRAIGHT back.....cock. It also appears as though I am praying.

Finally, tuck your legs so you don't land on your tiny, misshapen, underdeveloped skull.

Hang time BABY! This is where you can knit a sweater, call someone on your cell, or if you're really extreme like me.....SLAM A DEW!! Do the Dew, bitches!

Just remember to look where you're going to land, and stay tucked in until you are vertical again. That's it. Now start watchin' the booty start flowing in! (unless you are Gringo).

Specific problem advice:

• If you keep landing too close to the wall and you're afraid you're about to die then that means you're putting your foot too high on the wall. As I said put your foot about head level on the wall, keep your leg parallel with the ground, and lean back.

• If you feel like you can't make it over when you're on the wall then lean back...it makes all the difference in the world. Trust me, would I lie (yes)?

• If you make a hole in the wall that means you're running too hard at the wall and the wall isn't strong enough to support your body mass. I prefer a brick wall, marble wall, or just anything that isn't hollow on the other side. You want something really solid.

• If you keep landing short then try pushing up the wall rather than away from the wall and kick through harder.


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