Listen To Me: The Google Years
Written By: Gringo & Joe

Let's be honest from the start (filthy liars!). Writing an article about the strange internet searches people type in to magic machine Google and somehow end up at this site through is nothing new. It's been done by the no-longer around It's been done by anyone, ever. It's even been done by Judge Judy's official website - stupid it doesn't say there!!

But Listen To Me has never really been about originality. It's all about the Benjamin's! BENJAMIN BOXTHROTTLE, DESTINY IS CALLING! Regardless of the number of times this type of article has been done, there were just too many bizarre, amusing and wide-ranging subjects that kept coming up on the referrer's list to not write something about. That, and it saves having to write another real review for a couple more days.

Skimpy underwear women -men
Wait, what?

Make life size puppet heads
Now this is just plain freaky. Has someone got some kind of plans for worldwide domination using life size puppet heads? It creeped me out in Moonraker when Jaws wore a huge puppet head. And the idea that someone out there is planning something similar creeps me out even more. Then again, it could be some great bank-robbing scheme. Imagine if it went wrong - you'd have the criminals running off down a freeway, clutching their fake faces panting "must...keep...head...on."

Listen to me orgasm
I truly can't understand what this person expected to find when they typed this into the searchy-search box on Google. It just doesn't sound like a...searchable thing, let's say. It sounds more like a request. The best I can muster up is that this person typed this into Google and expected Google to load for a moment and then return with, "I'm listening."

Little Mermaid penis
I think this person was playing a word association game with Google. Turkey - Thanksgiving! Chair - table! Office - submarine! Little Mermaid - penis!

do not use deoderant
You don't need to tell me! On a completely unrelated note, I'm still available, ladies!!!

Spy woman peeing
There's a woman who leads a life of danger...and peeing!!!

Jon Stewart live

Will Egan
I love the fact that someone out there was searching for Will Egan, star of Ninja Academy and quite possibly 'the man'.


Steve Guttenburg

Walt Disney porn
It's really quite disturbing how many people search for this, especially since I'm not sure if they're looking for Jasmine and Ariel in compromising positions or if they want pictures of the corpse of the inventor of cartoons doing the backseat boogie...or did he do porn whilst alive? News to me!

Find free flying Super Mario Bros for download
First of all, I find it humorous enough that this person felt it necessary to include "find" in front of this search. It was like an added little extra to coax Google that much more into finding his "free flying Super Mario Bros for download." It's kind of like slipping the guy at a fancy restaurant a $20 so that he'll seat you quickly like they do in all the funny movies with the comedy in them. Also, I've never heard of flying Super Mario Bros. I thought it was implied that you could fly if you got that leaf thing that gave you the raccoon tail but whatever.

Wilma bestiality
Wait, what?!

Lil bow wow got raped up the ass
Thanks for the dirt!! Ass indeed!

Anal hygiene
It's important.

sex benches
Someone should start a petition for these things.

at the pool story mind control
I think that says it all, really.

Mickey Mouse sounds oh boy

silent asshole people
The worst assholes are the silent ones.

Madden 2002 crack
Not only is John Madden now one of the most maag rappers of the world...he's also got his own personal brand of crack!!! This is where Gringo adds something stupid like 'allegedly'. Allegedly.

Monster rape
Sounds like one kick ass metal band.

Jurassic Park lessons
Yes, dinosaurs are the best teachers ever. You saw how smart they are in the movies. OMG! THEY BUILT A TRAP!! I MEAN AGAIN!!!

Crazy mouse cum
It's not enough that this person wants to find mouse cum. Oh no, they want CRRRRAZZZZY MOUSE CUM!!! I think this is a good exclamation. I will use it from now on. "What?! I have crabs!? CRAZY MOUSE CUM!!!"

Quantum Leap Al alphabet rap

Police Academy gay bar
This is highly worrying to me. It makes me think there may be a Police Academy themed gay bar somewhere out there. I will not be able to go to sleep ever again.

Listen To Me
We love you too. All three of you (the joke never gets old!).

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