The Worst Of 2002
Written By: Gringo, Joe, Ross, Darth Phenom, Mack Salmon & Jeff

This is a long shmoogy list of the 30 best and worst things some of the writers from this site could come up with. Those from LTM who didn't take part either never responded to my email asking them to, or they're just stupid and unfunny.

Anyway, the idea for this list thing came from Mike Fireball over at Poprocks & Coke, so you should visit his site and stuff.

The other websites involved in this are, in no real order:

A Broken Crate
The Closed Mind
Dancing Swines
Entertainment Asylum
Firteen
Hank-E-Pank
Huffin & Puffin
The Marked Fool
NinjaCulture
Project Wonderboy
We Ain't Cool


The Best Of 2002             The Worst Of 2002

Ross' Choices

1. Japan - I would have thought that after the (probably due) success of Pokemon, imitators just wouldn't receive the same attention. I was WRONG. There's an insatiable hunger for stupid crap from Japan in this country, and that goes double so if it involves monsters, cards, or something else collectable. Yu-gi-oh is basically one season-long commercial for their crappy cards, and kids can't get enough of this shit. Also, anime fans. I'll save this for a rant later on, though.

2. Microsoft buying Rare - Due to the fact that Nintendo are a bunch of idiots (who make very good games), Rare (creator of Donkey Kong Country, Perfect Dark, Conker, etc) sold itself to Microsoft. I'm not a rabid XBox hater, but there's just so much more they could have done on the Gamecube. HATE.

3. 8 Mile - The biggest piece of bullshit I've ever seen. Not that I actually saw the movie, but the prospect of Eminem as a serious actor makes me exceedingly angry. There's some actors, like Jim Carrey perhaps, that I think are very versatile (The Magestic and The Truman Show were pretty good). Eminem is not one of them. I don't care how fucking moving his performance as a poor wigger beaten down by the black man is, he still writes lyrics commanding gay people to suck his penis (kind of like this site, but at least we're funny about it).

4. Gringo Flash - I hate those things.

Mack Salmon's Choices

5. Let's go to War with Iraq! - Any day now...

6. Trent Lott - He sucks! Boo!

7. The weather - It's really shitty, and so is this list.

Jeff's Choices

8. Jeffrey Jones - Actor Jeffrey Jones was arrested along with Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Reubens for allegedly having sex with a 17 year old boy and being part of a child porn ring. Even though I can no longer watch movies with either of these two without making jokes about them, at least we finally know why he was so hell bent on catching Ferris Bueller: TO HAVE GAY SEX WITH HIM.

9. Michael Jackson - Ok, first the world's only black albino blames his failed album on racism and then he dangles his kid from a hotel room like a pair of fuzzy dice. See, this is why I'm a fan of Tito Jackson (LIES), he's not a rampaging fucknut and he also wore that huge baseball hat in the Jackson 5 cartoon.

10. Micah A. Zoerner - A 19 year-old named Micah A. Zoerner was arrested for stealing/burglarizing over 100 cars which he claims the game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City drove him to commit. He's currently taking part in a rousing game of Drop The Soap at a Wisconsin penitentiary.

11. Priests - After years of secrets and lies, it finally came out that a good number of American priests have molested children because God told them to while they were eating Cheerios. It got to the point where every day you could turn on the TV and see who "bad touched" little Billy 20 years ago. Personally I wouldn't mind seeing these assholes fried, shot or hanged but the most they'll get is their Wednesday pedophile beating courtesy of the other inmates.

Gringo's Choices

12. Die Another Day - Quite possibly the worst James Bond movie ever. A shit intro theme, embarrassing dialogue and buckets filled with cliché are just some of the more basic flaws with this cinematic crapfest. A dire indicator for a series of movies I'd actually enjoyed (now and again) up until this point, and a strong contender for worst movie of the year.

13. Being shit on - A bird crapped on my head in New York City. I HATE BIRDS!

14. Gore won't run - Earlier this month, Al Gore said he wasn't going to run for President in 2004. Worst. News. Ever. Guarantees Dubya's second term because, unlike 1992, in 2004 the Democrats haven't got a folksy hick candidate with charisma and money to win voters (and whores) back.

15. Election Day, November - More politics! Republicans taking control of the House and Senate, with a Republican President already sitting in the White House? Goodbye, democracy! The fact it hasn't been like this since the days of Eisenhower should tell you something; the nearly 50-year break wasn't a bad thing. I'm just ready to scream like a scared girl at whatever the Republicans do next.

16. Coming up with stuff for this list - OOH! IT IS SO DIFFICULT!

Darth Phenom's Choices

17. Rugby Super 12 - The Crusaders dominated the entire tournament and all four South African teams were hammered week in and week out.

18. Soccer World Cup - Argentina lost to England and the Germans got to the final.

19. President Bush - Is a reason even necessary?

Joe's Choices

20. Avril Levigne - I don't know if I spelled this hooker's name right but I don't really care. I usually try not to let annoying, stupid, crappy "musicians" get on my nerves but this whore takes the cake. She seems to think she's a punk rocker or an individual or something and yet she gratefully accepted an award from MTV. Might I also add that her "edgy" music is played in CVS alongside other such movers and shakers as Faith Hill and Natalie Imbruglia. NICE WORK SHOCKING SOCIETY'S SENSES THERE, AVRIL! YOU GO, GIRL! Also, that dumbass fashion of hers is the goddamned stupidest thing I've ever seen. Did you know you can now buy the Avril Ensemble all put together for you at Hot Topic?! Just one more reason why I love that store TO DEATH! Also, her name sounds like Advil. The fuck is up with that?

21. CVS - PERSONAL ENTRY, YAY!! I worked in CVS over the summer. Although I met three of my current friends there (and one really hot girl who I wish I saw more...A LOT MORE), the place still sucked. Bad music was piped through the store the entire time with the only solace being the very infrequent playing of Take On Me by Ah-Ha and that LALALALA IT'S ALL AROUND THE WORLD song. That song is sweet! Also, there was work involved. Work sucks. I hate.

22. My roommate leaving - More personal is good! For all the coolness that came out of my old roommate, just as much was lost when he left my school, as it was essentially driving him crazy. NO HE DID NOT LEAVE BECAUSE HE HATED ME. IT'S LIES ALL LIES I TELL YOU!! Anyway, my new roommate is a bloody Turk who listens to trance all the time. Jesus Christ.

23. My college - (PERSLONALN!) Although I've met cool people (about two in total, actually) there, the suckiness of my college cannot be denied. I want out of that hellhole but, hooray! I'm still gonna be there for at least one more semester.

24. The Anna Nicole Smith Show - I know I'm not the only one to put this on a best and worst of 2002 list. This stupid, fat whore needs to choke on a donut and die forever. I've only seen her show a few times but I take pleasure in the fact that the only reason it brings my friends and I any enjoyment is not because we pay attention to the plot but because we spend the entire time ridiculing her fucked-up ass. "CHRIST! LOOK HOW FAT SHE IS!!" "SHE IS A FUCKING CRACK WHORE!" Etc. etc.! Regardless, we'd be better off without this, I'd imagine.

25. 9/11 - Yes, I do remember it. Now stop telling me to.

26. Blowing up other countries - Oh, yes, this was pretty cool.

27. Pants - HAVEN'T WE DONE AWAY WITH THIS ANCIENT FORMALITY BY NOW?!

28. Gringo comes to New York - Gringo came from Britain and bothered me in New York. We did nothing. It was very sad. Honestly, I really just put this in the "worst" section to make Gringo cry. I like to be mean to him for no good reason.

29. Nobody fucked me - What I said.

30. This Best/Worst list and the fact that LTM continued to exist in general - I CAN MAKE AN 11th IT'S MY LIST YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! Anyway, we're terribly sorry about all of this. We promise to run out of money and stop making crap very, very soon.


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