The People You Meet in an MMORPG - Part I
Review By: Jeff

MMORPG's (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) have become incredibly popular over the last few years and with that comes the influx of new people mixing with the old all working to share in the same experiences of these interactive chat rooms. Despite the fact that their ages or locations may vary, each player can be assigned a label or labels depicting they way to play the game and act towards others. These can be both good or bad depending on the person and I've decided to try and explain each of these player types and offer some advice on what to do if you encounter one of them. Seeing as my only real MMO experience has been with World of Warcraft, I'll be basing most of these on what I learned while playing.

The Lrn2plyr

Everyone's come across this guy at least once during his or her experience with MMO's. They're the Healer that won't heal, the Rogue that won't stealth, the Warrior that won't defend (usually because they all say: "I can do BATTLE DAMAGE without doing that other stuff!") and the list goes on. They have no idea what the hell they're doing and immediately take offense to even the slightest bit of advice from others about how not to suck. Avoid them at all costs, it's not too hard to pick up on these people within the first minute or so of grouping because they'll immediately start doing the opposite of what they're expected to do. INSTA-KICK!

The Chinese Gold Farmer

Just about every MMO out there has these little guys running around. They play non-stop just collecting in-game currency so they can sell it to people for real world cash. This, of course, destroys the games economy leading to inflated prices, which bring about an endless stream of players saying things like "Who's the Tardbar asking for 600 Gold for Dolemite's Cane?" Spotting a CGF is somewhat easy; they speak little to no English and are often seen just killing the same enemies over and over for hours on end. It's quite possible to take advantage of a CGF by simply sending them a group invite, taking them to where you need to go and then just relax as they tirelessly complete whatever quest or mission you needed to do for you.

The "Woman"

The majority of people who play these games are men, which makes things kind of awkward when you notice that a lot of the characters you come across are female. Take a look at the picture and try to guess which one is actually a male player. Done? Ok, you're wrong, they're both male players. While the second image is blatantly obvious, the first is incredibly disturbing and just wrong on all accounts.

Some players get off on playing a female character and acting like one in an attempt to get some free stuff from male players. Often times, they even go so far as to have cyber sex with them thinking they'll get some "Phat Lootz" by typing "Bootylicious is about to spill her [Sweet Nectar] all over Shirewood." The only way to really know if that Elf Warrior is a real chick is to ask them up front. If they say no, then they'll probably tell you why they made a female character. If they say yes, then just assume it's a guy until you get to hear them over voice chat and go from there.

The Elitist

Alright, you just made your first character and have entered a major city for the first time and you see this guy up ahead wearing some awesome as hell looking armor and sitting on a wicked Horse. You think introducing yourself would be the polite thing to do so you say to him "Dude, I can't wait to look as tough as you." which he responds with "Pfft, like that's gonna happen, get lost Noob."

Congratulations, you have just met the Elitist or as he's most commonly know as; Jerk, Dick, Asshat, Shithead, Cocksucker and so forth. The Elitist lives only to tell you how much better he is then you'll ever be. They spend all their time within the city walls, showing off their fancy equipment and bragging about the highest Critical Hit they ever got.

However, they seem to have forgotten that anyone, even a deaf, blind and dumb chimp, can acquire the things they have. They put possessions over skill and whenever defeated or insulted, their first line of defense is to list how many maxed-out characters they have and where their Guild is on the latest Dungeon. Definitely the most pathetic players you'll ever come across and it's a damn shame that they're the most common.

The Hardcore

This is one of the most entertaining players out there as they live for the challenge no matter how stupid or impossible it may seem. Many Elitists call themselves hardcore but that can't be further from the truth. You see, the Elitist's idea of hardcore is spending five hours a night for four days a week raiding a dungeon with a bunch of other players. That's not what I'm talking about when I say hardcore. What I mean is the players who run through high-level dungeons using starting equipment or going into the Magma Fields of Land'o Lakes just so they can throw snowballs at the giant Lava Rabbit there. It can be base jumping off the tallest building or a long trek across the desert just to play hide'n seek; odds are if it seems like a tough thing to do, the hardcore player will be there so join in from time to time. Nothing wrong with having a little fun during your game.

That about wraps up the first part. Check back later to see if I ever get around to making up the rest.

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