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20th September, 2002

Gringo Hits Back At Opponents

Slagheap, New Jersey - Brushing aside recent news that his three supporters have decided they cannot be bothered to leave their houses to vote on election day, Sheriff Gringo said at a press conference yesterday: "I didn't need them anyway. I just hope they're ready to get shot in the face, raped, pillaged or all of the above once I'm in office."

Earlier this month the campaign headquarters of Sheriff Gringo for US Senate received word that the three certified voters for the campaign were now choosing to abstain. This would side-track most politicians, but Gringo has marched forward, wielding a gun and vowing to get elected no matter what the cost to human life may be or how many faces he may have to shoot.

In order to draw back support for the November Senate election, Gringo plans to finally visit some real towns in New Jersey and stop living in a cartoon. He is also casting dead politicians for cameos in an upcoming campaign video, planned to create a last-minute rush of support mid-October to help his election chances. Gringo is also stocking up on bullets in case his three former supporters do not change their minds.