Gringo Announces His Candidacy For The Senate
El Town, New Jersey - Gringo, currently serving his fifth elected term as Sheriff of El Town, New Jersey, today announced his independent candidacy for the upcoming Senate election.
Revealing his intentions standing on a box outside his Sheriff's office, Gringo said, "I want to be a voice for New Jersey. Even if that voice will be sitting in a nice, expensive office in Washington D. C. whilst you all rot back where I'm going to leave you."
After handily winning re-election to El Town's Sheriff office for a record-setting five terms, Gringo feels the time is now right to "look at the larger picture." He told reporters, "There's a lot more money and face punching to be found statewide than in a town with only ten residents. I like money, and I really like face punching, and that's one of the reasons I want to be a Senator."
Gringo, a former member of the Republican party, made no comments about his prospective rivals in the Senate race. He said, "I wish them well, but the focus from my team will be solely on my campaign."
The Sheriff is running as an Independent, after spitting on most of the Democrats involved in that party's primary, and choosing not to run in the Republican primary. "Neither of the two main parties are ready to be led by a fictional cartoon character", Gringo said, "I have to be the solitary voice of change, leading the silent minority back to being the silent majority."
Polling date released during Sheriff Gringo's announcement showed him with 0% of the vote going in to the race, with three votes certified by New Jersey residents intending to vote for him.
The candidate also announced the launch of a website to promote his campaign, where voters can learn more about Gringo's life and his past, as well as reading his stances on the issues that are most important to New Jersey's inhabitants. He said, "Technology is good, especially if I can bag some votes out of it. If people can stop downloading porn for one minute, I hope my website will be something for them to read."