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Senorita Gringo
His Life:
  As Trash Collector
  As Sheriff Of El Town
  As Candidate For Senate
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The Issues

What Gringo Believes In

Throughout his life, Sheriff Gringo has met people and experienced situations which have helped shape his beliefs and morals. Here you can learn about the policies which form the centre of the candidate's Senate campaign.

Domestic Issues

Gun Control
Sheriff Gringo despises any attempt to control guns which he believes the public (or, at least, people called Gringo) have the constitutional right to wield and use at will.

Crime
As the long-serving Sheriff of El Town, Gringo has used his position to battle crime, and has almost succeeded in reducing crime levels. Gringo favours a "shoot first, ask questions later, then shoot again" policy.

Drugs
Gringo is against legalising all drugs, especially the crack pipe. The effects of drugs are all too real, and no one is more aware of this than Gringo, who has to contend with a Deputy who loves the el rocko.

Labor & Farming
Sheriff Gringo is an advocate of improving the countryside, and would like to see more money spent on regenerating labor and farming in ignored towns and villages within New Jersey.

Civil Rights
Gringo firmly believes in the right of all people to co-exist peacefully, and points to the diverse citizenship of El Town as an example of his attitude.

Environment
The natural beauty of the Garden state is something Gringo would fiercely defend, if he thought it was an important issue. However, he doesn't, so he won't.

Economic Issues

Budget & Economy
Sheriff Gringo is an advocate of granting El Town a special budget of $5 million to pay for regeneration of its economy, its infrastructure and a nice new hat for Senorita Gringo.

Welfare & Poverty
Hoping to implement full employment statewide, Gringo would like to build on the work he has helped to find for others in El Town. For example, Little Jimmy, a ten year old child, worked happily in the Old Scary Abandoned Silver Mine before he was mysteriously shot. In the face.

Technology
Embracing modern technology is part of what makes Gringo the person he is. He enjoys learning about new methods of doing things, and is proud to be the first person from the 1800's to have a website.

Social Issues

Education
A proud graduate of a university degree, Sheriff Gringo advocates education for everyone. Except no-good criminals who could never change anyway after being born evil.

Health Care
Gringo is aware of the health crisis in El Town, and the hospital is constantly inundated with faces to repair and wounds to heal. However, Gringo believes in free health care for every citizen and proposes to donate $1 for the cause.

Abortion
Sheriff Gringo points to the words of El Town's Reverend Ashcroft in explaining his position on abortion. Rev. Ashcroft is reknowned for saying, "You know damn well that you cannot abort a baby! It is it against the church! You'll burn in icky hellfire pain and stuff if you do!"

International Issues

War & Peace
Gringo believes the best way to achieve peace between the many warring factions in the world is to "shoot them all." He would be willing to make El Town New Jersey's new capital if it would help increase international peace levels.

Immigration
As Sheriff Gringo's parents were immigrants from Mexico, he strongly supports the right of foreign people to move to New Jersey and start new lives. As long as they aren't criminals or like the crack pipe.