I've Grown Accustomed To This Place

President Bush

Shucks! Shucks! Shucks! Shucks!

I've grown accustomed to this place
I've grown accustomed to its charms
I've grown accustomed to the seat
Where Clinton beat his meat

The stain has gone
The memory lingers on

I've grown accustomed to this place
I like taking on the world
I may not be the best oratationalist
But there's not much that I've missed

Forget the Iraq war
And tax rises for the poor

I may not have fought in Vietnam
But I did capture Saddam
Surely that would get me back in?

I can see Kerry now
In a year or two from here
In a wretched little war with North Korea

He'll try to be friends
With Kim and all the rest
But won't use force to
Prove our ideas are the best

He'll try to pacify them with "dialogue"
Using clever words like "détente"
Even if I don't know what it means
You can bet it won't beat dropping bombs

Unemployment will rise
As interest rates hit the skies
And not just because of what I did!

Democrats will blame my tax cuts
But come midterms we'll bust their butts
I'll get the momentum I need
To make my 2008 bid succeed!

Poor John Kerry!
How ironicalish!
How spectaculatory!

In a year or two
I'll be stronger than before
I'll have the RNC chairman
Knocking at my ranch door

He'll be asking for me
To jump back in

Will I do what they ask?
Or take them to task?
And kick him out of Texas
On his scrawny GOP ass?

I'm a most determined man
The kind who never would
Never could
Accept a state was lost
And let a recount go ahead

I shall stand in 2008!
And win the election!

As Nixon once said to me
"It's never too late"!
"Even if you lose the debate!"
I'll kick John Kerry out and
Send Lurch back to the Addams Family!

I've grown accustomed to this place
I thought I'd be the next Ronnie Reagan
I tried drilling in Alaska
And losing jobs in Nebraska

But yet
It seems
It wasn't enough

I've grown accustomed to this place
I'll miss being Presidentiary
But they've misunderestimated me
If they think that's all she wrote

Give me four years
And 50 million paid-for votes

I've grown accustomed to this place
Accustomed to ruling the world
I've grown accustomed to this place

I'll miss planning the 51st state on the moon
I'll miss napping in the afternoon

I'll miss the very special ways
Of not dealing face-to-face
With gays
And blacks
And every minority group

I've grown accustomed to this place
But I'm going home to Texas
The Lonestar State has always been my friend
Even when the country
Was going round the bend
It was solid as a rock

So it's back to my ranch
Back to the land I love
I'll grow accustomed to that place

I could have stayed all year
I could have done more good
If only you'd kept me in

I could have banned gay weddings
I could have taken over Iran
And stopped off in Libya, maybe Japan

It could have been so good!
You could almost taste the terrorists' blood!
But now the whole world's going
To Hell!

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