The West Wing Cast: Wonderful Christmastime
Review By: Gringo

For some reason, a bunch of executives at NBC thought it'd be a great idea to get cast members of their most popular shows sing a bunch of Christmas songs. They brought out an album called NBC Celebrity Christmas, which sucks. This review is going places! It sucks overall, but there is one song that stands out - the cast of The West Wing singing Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime.

It sticks out because it's so woefully bad. Also, because John Spencer (who plays President Bartlet's chief of staff) is one of the singers. He also looks like an old version of Popeye, so just to be a patronising asshole, I'll call him Old Mr. Popeye for the rest of this review. CLUE: IT IS THE PATH TO WINNING.

The tune kicks off, and he says, "Let me ask you something about your Christmas trees..." He says it with such a natural tone, it's like a regular conversation to him. That, or he's practising for his psychology degree. He continues his wacky fun speak by asking the other two, "Do you do, like, colour themes or do you mix it all up?"

The response he gets is far too excitable for the question asked, as the other actors squeal "Mix it up! Just throw the stuff on!" and "Mix it all up!", to which Old Mr. Popeye calmly responds, "I mix it all up too, so we're all agreed on that."

Then, out of nowhere, he mutters "I'm not a tinsel man." What the hell? Strangest. Introduction. Ever. Still talking about what he puts on his Christmas tree, Martin Sheen bizarrely says it's pictures "of the people we love and even the ones we don't love...uh, family mostly". HEAD SPINNING WITH THE CRAZY.

When they sing the chorus it's like hearing the march of death fast approaching. Just hearing the trio drone out the line "simply...having...a wonderful...Christmastime" does nothing to get me in the holiday spirit. Instead, it brings tears to my eyes for the fact that somebody felt it necessary to inflict this song on humanity.

There's a part in the song where they all sing "DING, DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG" for what seems like a fucking eternity. Cunties! You want real excitement? Try this! THIS REVIEW IS OVER! Ha!

The album also included other songs, including John Lithgow's version of Baby, It's Cold Outside and some woman singing O Holy Night. But you know something? I can't be bothered to review them! Merry fucking Christmas, NBC!

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