Weezer: Maladroit
Review By: Joe

This is the first review I've written in a while so you'll have to bear with me. I may be a bit rusty with the funny jokes and the humor making. Let me test: FUCK SHIT CUNT POO. Wow! I have still got it! Such talent!

After Weezer's last disappointing effort, the Green Album, I was more than a bit skeptical about this new (new as in several months old I mean because I am so lazy) release, Maladroit. Months before the release of Maladroit, Weezer had been releasing nearly all of the MP3s from the album (and then some) to the public via their website so I downloaded all the tracks offered from the album. I only really gave them one listen each and immediately made the verdict: SHITE. I knew Rivers had been vocalizing somewhat with this album to get back to his metal roots (he likes KISS a whole lot you know). With this in mind, at first listen, this sounded like the crappy gayness of the Green Album shoddily spliced with the crappiness of metal. "WEEZER SHE IS A NO GOOD!" I shouted from the rooftops and the children, they listened.

Shortly after my first year of college ended, the album came out and I just barely remembered that I was gonna go get it anyway. I did so when a friend of mine told me "Hey! That Maladroit album is not so bad!" Thusly, I purchased the record and took it with me upon my trip to E3. Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to do a write-up about that too. HOO! NOT LIKELY!

So anyhow, my friend was right, fuck my shoes, this shit ain't bad! For one thing, the track names (and the album name) are cool again and, for another, the cover art is pretty weird looking and I rather like it. As for the sound, Rivers' metal influence does play a big part in the sound of this album but it doesn't clash nearly as bad as I first thought.

Other plusses over the last release are that the solos are MUCH better as Rivers actually admitted to the fact that they sucked on the last album and Brian and the new bassist (Mikey Welsh is DEAD) get to sing backup once again instead of hearing fifty different Rivers(s) at once. Honestly, it took me a few listens to really get into it but I found some merit in nearly every track. Some are a bit too sappy and some just ain't that great but it's definitely decent. At least it's not freaking elevator music LIKE A CERTAIN GREEN ALBUM THAT WILL REMAIN UNNAMED.

Let us discuss tracks, shall we? We shall! The first track on Maladroit is American Gigolo. This is one of a few songs on here that starts out all metally and then goes into relatively normal Weezer rockin'. It's not bad, once you get used to it. To get this out of the way right now, both track 4, Take Control, and Track 10, Fall Together, are similar sounding songs. I enjoy them all pretty well except Take Control is a bit too nu-metal sounding but not really but then maybe it is but then maybe not! THE PUZZLE IS TREMENDOUS!

Track 2, Dope Nose was the first single off of this album and it is good and it is catchy. The video was forgettable but it had a bunch of Japanese people in it. Also, there is a line in the song that goes "Fag...of the year." Ha ha ha! Next is Keep Fishin' which was the second single. It is also good. The video had Weezer on the Muppet Show. I liked it! Yay! Such professional reviewing! Track 5, Death And Destruction, is a gay track for homosexuals! It is very slow and is not the worst thing I have ever heard but I have heard some bad things like the time when I lived next to a graveyard and necrophiliacs would come in the night and fuck the corpses. Wow, this is vulgar. And you just came here to read a Weezer review. I am so sorry.

Track 6 is Slob and is really quite good. It is a very good song, like way up there in being as powerful-sounding musically as a song off of Pinkerton, although it's not really the same style. It starts out sounding really shitty as Rivers' is whining about stuff but it gets really good real quick and is a very good song. YOU LOVE LIKE NECROPHELIACS LOVE COCKPOUNDING DEAD PEOPLE'S EYE SOCKETS.

Tracks 7, 8, and 9 (Burndt Jamb, Space Rock and Slave) are all decently good songs and I have momentarily mentioned 10 so we are up to 11. That's right! 11! There's actually 13 tracks on this album and not only 10 like every other Weezer album! Amaze! Anyway, the track is Possibilities. This song rocks like a casket when the body is being penishandled by someone with the necrophilia. It is like some fast, happy rock the hizzy song and I enjoy much. It reminds me very much of Blue Album-type of music but it's not exactly the same type of thing.

One unfortunate thing about this album having more tracks than the others is that, with the exception of Possibilities, nothing really good is accomplished with them. Tracks 12, Love Explosion, and 13, December are pretty lame songs and 12 steals the part from The Locomotion that goes "so come on, come on" and changes it to "so jump out, jump out." It is a bit silly. It also has some lyric about people wanting to kill you in your sleep even though it's got the (stupid) track name Love Explosion.

So basically, children, this album is pretty good. It's easily better than the Green Album and is a fun little listen. It's not as good as Pinkerton or the Blue Album but then, those are two of my all-time favorite albums and Pinkerton is full of some of the most powerful rock music I've ever heard so no one is expecting that. It's a decent little listen at thirty-three minutes, the four added minutes it has over Green's twenty-eight actually meaning that much more to me (TWENTY-EIGHT IS A FUCKING GYP, MAN). The only real downfalls of this album besides the tracks I mentioned is that Rivers still sounds like a high-voiced pussy. I still insist that between the releases of Pinkerton and the Green Album someone said to Rivers, "Excuse me, Rivers, can I have your little Johnny?" Rivers said, "Oh anything for the fans!" and handed his peniscock over to good will. That or he had some mishap banging a dead body. YOU DON'T TELL ME I'M WRONG.

Another naughty thing about all this Weezer shmeggy is that Rivers is still a jerk. "GRR MY BAND IS GOOD AND I AM A POMPOUSFUCK." Also, he likes Limp Bizkit-type of rap-rock music and said that it is influencing him now. No, he did and he wasn't joking. One of the other band members tried to explain that away as "He means the energy of the band is like those bands now." LIES! RIVERS WANTS YOU TO BREATHE IN AND BREATHE OUT HANDS UP NOW HANDS DOWN BACK UP BACK UP TELL ME WHAT CHU GONNA DO NOW KEEP ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' YEAH KEEP ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' COME ON!!! Also, Rivers said (I paraphrase) this: "Emo is bad music. Pinkerton is bad music. And it's going to go away." What a fucking faggotdouche. Anyway, band = pretty good, Rivers = naughty bad...bad like corpsefucking.


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