Review By: Dan the Angry Conservative

I have heard the majority of the songs off of System of a Down's new album, Toxicity. You see, I didn't buy it. I believe exchanging currency for products is silly. I used Morpheus, a great source of music and pornography, to illegally download most of the songs. Ain't I a rebel?

Anyway, the album opens up with Prison Song, a great song about some of the failures of the American Justice System. My favorite line is "I smoke my crack, I smack my bitch, right here in Hollywood." That line alone puts this album in the Grammy race.

Most of you are probably familiar with the first single, Chop Suey. Yes, I too think it is great. A lot of bands try and fail at the whole loud-soft-loud-soft thing, but SOAD really pulls it off in this song. The lyrics aren't quite as straightforward as in Prison Song. When do angels deserve to die? Probably when they abuse their powers to stare at women in the shower.

The vocalist, whose name escapes me, is really impressive with his elastic and agile voice coupled with thoughtful and poetic lyrics. Also, one time at a show he said something along the lines of "This country has many guided missiles, but few guided men." So true. This was said near the beginning of the bombing of Afghanistan. Many of the songs have a social or political message, but it's never preachy or crass.

I don't know if you noticed, but I don't put quotation marks around song titles or use italics, some times I don't even capitalize them. It's kind of annoying to have to do so. I don't like being told how to write. If I don't wanna follow certain rules of English, I won't. The Associated Press and my English teacher can go fuck themselves.

Another great song is Aerials. I'm not sure if it's on the new album, because, as I stated, I just downloaded a bunch of SOAD songs. Aerials is almost like a power ballad. It starts with an upbeat riff and philosophical lyrics. Then near the end it gets dark and creepy. And I think it has a sitar (an Indian guitar) in it too. Awesome.

Another great song is Frontier Psychiatrist, by the Avalanches. I don't normally like techno music, but I like this song. It's weird and kinda funny. I don't think you'd be able to dance to it real well, so you hardcore techno fans (most of you can't read) might not like it. Also it's got a great video to it. Both the song and video can easily be obtained from your favorite file sharing software.

One time me and my friends smoked some pot and then we ate cake and played Trivial Pursuit. I lost, but only because my friends cheated.

In conclusion, Toxicity is a great album. SOAD is a great band. I also like Frontier Psychiatrist. Friends are cheaters. I always thought that the guy who played Ensign Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation was a fucking pansy. He was so annoying. He was more damaging than Jar-Jar Binks. Every time that motherfucker was on the screen I wanted the Starship Enterprise to blow the fuck up!

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