House Of 1,000 Corpses
Review By: Tiffany

Ok! House Of 1,000 Corpses is for sure the best horror movie ever! It isn't my favorite, but it is so good at being what it is! It doesn't have the most original plot, (in fact it is very UNoriginal) but it is as if director, Rob Zombie took the best aspects of the great horror classics and combined them.

!. This was a HUGE Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip. Right down to the freaky guy with a leather mask, this movie took so much from TCM (ooh acronyms!! Do I sound like a real expert yet?) they could have been brothers!!! However, it is so much more delightfully gory!!

@. Scary carnival! What is more scary than a haunted carnival with messed up homicidal clowns? I'll tell you, the answer is NOTHING! I've had nightmares about carnivals since I was four years old and they still scare me! All those dirty, dirty people...

#. Insane doctor that enjoys "experimenting" on patients. So this would be taken from almost any horror movie made in the 70's...or House On Haunted Hill! House On Haunted Hill (I am talking about the remake, because you KNOW the Vincent Price one was so scary, anyone would wet their bed every night for the rest of their life with the terror that movie brought about) acted like it was going to have all the gore we had ever hoped for, but it just didn't! It didn't let you see the ghosts enough, or the horrible things they had done to the guests and patients! It's the same with 13 Ghosts! Don't see movies made by whomever did those two.

$. Girl with the butt of her pants cut out. Who wants to see some blonde with a sexy body walking around with her shirt off, and the back of her pants cut out? Come on! We paid for blood! Right?! Whose with me?? ... This should not be on my list of great things that make House Of 1,000 Corpses a good movie!

%. Freaky interjected scenes with poor film quality. I can't remember another movie this happened in, except movies made in the 70's, but they weren't interjected scenes. At any rate, it's really freaky!!!

^. Running around aimlessly in a dark tunnel that is also a laboratory. Well this is easy, it's cheap copy of "Running around aimlessly in a dark tunnel that is also a laboratory," which will be produced by me and probably some puppets later this fall.

Yep, this movie was pretty good! Now I will actually tell you what happened in it!

Four college-age students were traveling cross-country to gain information on weird backcountry road stop/tourist attraction wannabe places. At one such place, they met a weird clown guy who had a freaky carnival thing and also sold fried chicken and gas! He had this ride thing about murderers, and it was really awesome!! Thing! So there they learned about the love between a clown and four college age students, and Doctor Satan, a local crazy doctor.

Intrigued, they set out to find his legendary burial place that wasn't actually a burial place, because after he was hung (haha I didn't tell you that!) his body was never found. On there way, they found a cute blonde with a sexy body who wasn't wearing a shirt! It was rainy, so they offered to give her a ride home. Two of the college aged people were female brunette, did not like the lack of proper attire on the sexy blonde very much at all!!! It made them grumpy!

So the girl without a shirt was like "OMFG U HOMOS I LIVE RITE BY DOKT0R SATYN I TAKE U THER!!!!" Naturally their car ran out of gas just at the right time, and they were stranded at the topless girl's house for a few hours! Her family was crazy (even more so than mine, just barely) and things that would occur with a crazy family occurred. Oh! And the sexy girl was also crazy. The End!

Rent this movie and you will see that it is GOOD! Oh, and Ghost Ship also has some pretty fine gore too!


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