Red Dragon
Review By: Tiffany

Red Dragon is the first and last movie in the Hannibal trilogy. It is the first and last in the same way Stars Wars I is actually Star Wars III (or so I hear from a reliable source). The cast includes return appearances from Anthony Hopkins, and whoever played Dr. Chilton, only they are both a lot older than they were in the "first" movie, and Edward Norton of course!

Ok! So this is what happens in the movie. The opening scene takes place at a symphony, and it is really boring, and some boring stuff happens! So let's skip that. After the boring stuff happens, Agent Graham (Edward Norton) and Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) are portrayed as having a homosexual relationship. Well, actually that is just kind of implied, really it just addresses that Dr. Lecter was aiding the FBI in finding a serial killer, as a forensic psychologist.

Graham finds certain clues THAT VERY MOMENT and was like "Hannibal is like fgdsfghjdrygjnvzrfsg." Unfortunately, Lecter was just too smart and he got this knife and was like "I'll cut ya!" but then Agent Graham was just too quick and somehow stabbed Hannibal. Ok! So now we are done with the beginning.

After many years, it is like Commando. Graham has retired and is living with his family, repairing boats. Happiness is elusive to poor William Graham! That naughty Crawford FBI guy needs his wacky help again (because Agent Graham understands psychos like no other). Blah blah blah Graham investigates this murder, and scary, gross, sad stuff occurs. :~ So that happens and then we meet our crazy man of the film!

When the viewer is first introduced to Francis Dolarhyde, or "Mr. D," he is exercising like God wants him to in order to keep his body like a temple (like God wants him to). He was reliving part of his childhood where his grandmother (who he lived with) apparently caught him misusing his bodily temple (or found evidence of it. I'm sorry I can't be more clear, but it was a very disturbing scene!) and was like really upset about it. So she came up with the only solution any reasonable person would come up with, and that was to attempt to remove his penis. Clearly Mr. D suffered much abuse and psychological damage at the hands of his grandmother.

To summarize, Agent Graham needs the aid of Hannibal Lecter, who he was responsible for the imprisonment of, and together they solve this case, only not really. Actually Hannibal had correspondence with crazy Mr. Nopenis D, and urged him to kill Graham's family. That is what I call mean!

In my opinion, which probably doesn't mean much to the reader any longer, Red Dragon is the best movie of the trilogy. It's got Edward Norton (People magazine said that if he was sorted into a Hogwart's house, he'd be in Gryffindor, like Harry Potter, so he is O.K. in my book!), family massacre, animal slaughter, blindness, and abusive mother figures. Not to mention the super awesome conclusion! At the end (for reasons I will not disclose, because it would spoil the ending for everyone who could not guessed this very obvious result), Agent Graham is like swearing at his son, and he's like "You faggot! You wet yourself! I will cut [it] off! It puts the lotion in the basket! And more!" It was really cool hearing an adult man lower a child's self esteem.

So for sure see this movie if you like watching horror movies that aren't really horror movies.

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