The Five Best Cult Movies...Ever!
Review By: ShootTheWeasel

I AM BACK!! WAIT, DO NOT ROLL YOUR EYES!! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU!! I have a review for you! Yes! Truthfully, and furthermore it is about a bunch of movies, instead of just ONE. Yes, which means it will come in seperate pieces! TWO PARTER! WAIT, DO NOT DESPAIR!! I JUST KID!! ONLY ONE PART!! Anyway, onward!

Cult movies are great! They are you people that are smart and sophisticated like me! They can be any movie that most people depise and/or do horrible at the box office! Also they tend to have elements of cheesiness, or they have someone intensly explicit. I shall commence with the movies now from worst of the best to best of the best! HUTTAH!

5. Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas

Fear & Loathing is the quintessential drug trip movie. Watching this film makes you feel like you are just as fucked up as Thompson and Dr.Gonzo are for the vast majority of the movie. This movie is a masterpiece in every sense of the word, and helping it to become what it now is was none other than Terry Gilliam. Hunter S. Thompson is sent on assignment to Las Vegas with his lawyer Dr.Gonzo, and what starts off seeming like it could be quite dull, the movies stops, hits reverse, does a 180, and jets off as we discover that the duo is also toting a suitcase chock full of narcotics, which sends the movie into a sex-like trance. You have to watch this movie a few times in order to attempt at fully absorbing that which is Fear and Loathing.

4. A Clockwork Orange

For being one of the oldest flicks on the list, Clockwork was the one I saw the latest. THIS MATTERS NOT! A Clockwork Orange is a fairly simple movie to understand. It is about a guy that gets together with his friends and causes havoc throughout the city, including such acts as raping a man's wife while making him watch, and killing a woman with a large sculpture of a penis. The movie is filled with fantastic language in which half of it is unnessecary and the other half sounds like made up words. Anyway, the boy is finally caught by the police and they send him to jail. He is then picked as the first inmate to undergo a new type of program that will insure upon his release that he will be the perfect citizen. The results aren't hot. This is a sexy movie.

3. SLC Punk!


Salt Lake City, 1985. Punk rock is on the rise with a large influence coming from The Ramones and other bands and all the while Stevo is trying to find out what to do next in his life. He graducates from college at the top of his class and then lives with his best friend Heroin Bob. Their goal? Undermine the system and waste away their educated minds. This goal ends up not exactly working and instead other stuff happens. Why I not tell you? IT WOULD RUIN THE EXCITE-A-FUN PURPOSE OF RENTING IT!! Also Heroin Bob does not do heroin. NEAT!! Matthew Lillard is in this movie. You know, Matthew Lillard from A BUNCH OF MOVIES WITH FREDDIE PRINZE JR INCLUDING SCOOBY-DOO (sneaky linkage!). This movie is a winner.

2. Fight Club


SUPER KUNG FU POWER PUNCH!!!!!! THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!
Fight Club is one of the greatest movies ever and you know it, bitch! Fight Club stars Ed Norton and Brad Pitt, which makes for a sexy combination. They punch each other a lot and start a CULT following. In the movie and in REAL LIFE!! SUPER!! There is fighting and violence and sex and drugs and neat thing to fuck with your head plus a super neato ending that including the song "Where Is My Mind?" by The Pixies...you know, the one that everyone knows!! All sorts of cool things are in this movie that make it the best ever and a half, but WHY NUMBER TWO, SHOOTTHEWEASEL? SIMPLE! I know a better movie than this. WHAT YOU SAY!? TIME FOR NUMBER ONE, THAT MEANS THIS WILL BE DONE SOON AND YOU CAN HAVE YOUR PANCAKES AND PIZZA!!

1. Donnie Darko


OK, it is possible that I am being opinionated and/or biased about the choices on this list, BUT SHUT IT, I WROTE THIS ARTICLE! Donnie Darko is my favorite movie, period SUCKA. It has Jake Gyllenhaal from BUBBLE BOY, Jena Malone from LIFE AS A HOUSE and OMG PATRICK SWAYZE AND DREW BARRYMORE!! I just splooged in my pants. This movie is about a crazy kid named Ned. NO I AM FUCKING WITH YOU, HIS NAME IS DONNIE DARKO (i am a cuntie). He has emotional problems and hallucinates. He has a normal republican family, aside from Donnie's sister Elizabeth (played by his real life sister, A PLUS!) who likes to be liberal and stuff. Anyway, Donnie sleepwalks out of his house one night, being beckoned by a giant demon bunny rabbit (NOW YOU KNOW YOU MUST SEE!!) named Frank (DEFINATELY!). Donnie wakes up at a golfing range and goes home to find that his roof has been SMASHEREENED by a jet engine. No plane in sight. WEIRD? YOU BET! Also this movie deals with time travel.

So there you have it folks, a look into the five best cult movies...ever! Did you have fun? No? You should have masturbated while reading then, you silly!


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