Review By: Gringo

We, the people who write for this site, in order to create a more perfect series of articles, will not be writing quite so many words for each review. Well, no, sorry. That's not true. Word limits? On this site? Fuck you! But that opening should give you a clue that I'm prepared to use very, very bad jokes in this, my review of 1776, a musical about the Declaration of Independence. Are you excited yet? Come on, feel the noise! This movie is apparently based on a highly successful Broadway musical of the same name, which was famous back in the 1970s. Part of the reason I was attracted to it was the subject matter. Another reason was that Richard Nixon apparently objected to one of the songs, and anything that aggravated him has to be worth checking out.

Okay, so it's not exactly thrilling territory. A bunch of old men gets together to write, discuss and vote on the Declaration of Independence. But it has a couple of winning touches, most notably having John Adams performed by William Daniels, the guy who would go on to be not only the voice of the car in Knight Rider but kindly old Mr. Feeny in Boy Meets World. Well, the latter isn't really much of a boast, but it's still amusing to think of that old man getting jiggy back in the 1970s. Especially because back then he was probably unaware his fame was going to peak with being the off-screen voice of a car or an old geezer in a lame sitcom starring opposite someone who looked like a young, retarded Eminem.

Still, the movie does have some good tunes and is surprisingly strong entertainment for its long running time. The best number in the movie is one called But, Mr. Adams, which mostly involves John Adams boasting of how obnoxious and disliked he is. Adams, Franklin, Sherman, Livingstone and Jefferson (oh my! Learning on this site!) keep passing a quill off to each other, with Jefferson helpfully trying to explain that he'd much rather fuck his wife than write the Declaration of Independence. It's a catchy tune and you get to see John Adams shouting quite a lot, which is always good for a laugh.

Also, Jefferson says he's so sexually frustrated he could resort to murder. Oh, you rascally founding fathers! Perhaps the best thing about this song is the fact you get to see historic figures - albeit played by actors, because, you know, this is a movie and all - jigging on a staircase and singing chorus lines which consist of the word "combustibility" and nothing more. Clearly, the people who wrote the score and lyrics for the musical and movie were brainy smart-smarts. Some of the other songs aren't as catchy and are quite forgettable, especially Molasses To Rum, which is a loud, but over-long, number. Oh, it deals with slavery. Maybe that's why it's not a jolly giggle-tune.

I'd say the strong acting and, on the whole, decent songs are enough to make this a movie that's definitely worth checking out if you've got the slightest interest in American history from the time of battling Redcoat cunties. If not and you're an ignorant, uneducated dropkick, go watch something else. There's a strange song in the movie where John Adams argues with his wife about pins, but I wasn't paying a great deal of attention at that precise moment. And for something that covers a historical event, there are enough novel ideas to make the story keep your interest.

Hey! This review isn't very funny, is it? Damn! Up to my usual standard! Oh, look! There's the self-angst! And the over-use of exclamation marks! It's all falling in to place! Anyway, go rent 1776 and watch Mr. Feeny get down with his bad self. YOU DO THIS NOW.

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