Home Alone 2: Lost In New York
Review By: Darth Phenom

You may be wondering why I'm reviewing this in the reverse chronological order which children so despise. After searching the vast depths of this temple it is unlikely you will find the review but perhaps if you use your finger you will...never mind. Now why have I decided to review the sequel as opposed to the prequel? The answer lies in the wild Montana skies, my friends!

You will have to excuse me as it has been many centuries since I first saw this when I was but a lad. The opinions made on it were all formed then. Ah, I remember the glorious fourth grade. Those ladies couldn't keep their hands off me but I was too foolish to engage in intercourse with them at the time. How I squandered my youth! Anyway, I believe I did enjoy it at the time. Of course, I believe I failed to develop the sophisticated taste, which has attributed to my meteoric rise to fame among entertainment circles. The fact that this was never re-released on DVD should tell you something, right? Right? Then again, I can only attribute this to the fact that this production was of such excellence its legend should never be tainted by that unholy format. Therefore, I suppose the only possible way you can see this now is by digging up a Betamax copy in your video store's dumpster.

The plot isn't very good. No, really. It revolves around Christmas. Yes, Christmas. The very concept of Christmas offends me deeply seeing as how Jesus was actually born on the fourth day of Hanukkah. I don't remember too clearly but somehow Macaulay Culkin ended up on a plane bound to New York and this was a mistake or something. I believe it had something to do with batteries. I do remember an educational scene where Macaulay teaches us all a valuable lesson about credit card fraud and perhaps it is this that I can accredit the rise of my crime empire to. Either that, or the scene with the inflatable doll. Eventually, the brave young lad gets involved with the villains of the prequel which co-incidentally I have not reviewed and is forced to assist them with a toy store robbery. Without giving too much away, I do recall their plans were thwarted by a flock of pigeons disguised as an old woman or vice versa.

Several scenes can prove to be rather entertaining, however. Such as the aforementioned inflatable doll, but there are more when the boy decides it happens to be the wisest strategy to hurl bricks down on Danny DeVito. I remember laughing with such vigor that I regurgitated Coke on the woman sitting in front of me. Oh, what a comedy indeed! Further entertainment can be elicited from two prostitutes question the child whether he would like someone to read him a bedtime story. Other than that, I don't really remember that much.

I suppose the sets are well designed and realistic looking, although a tad on the unimaginative side. I believe Escape From New York truly harnessed the power of a good New York set design but alas this movie is intended for general audiences only. I believe the soundtrack could have really benefited from the excellence of David Hasselhoff but sadly he was too busy re-defining Pamela Anderson's bust at the time. Such a pity. I think we have to settle for Luther Vandross or someone, I'm not sure.

Ultimately, Macaulay Culkin proved to be a one of the better child actors around but sadly not in the elite league of other legends such as Ashley Olsen and Michelle Trachtenberg. Director Chris Columbus delivers a satisfactory film but this one will only ever appeal to children and the mentally handicapped. Pretend you are illiterate now.

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