The Beverly Hills Cop Trilogy
Review By: Joe

Eddie Murphy is a funny man. You disagree? A pox on you, saucy buns! A pox on you and your entire fat family! If you have not seen his stand-up acts, Delirious and Raw, I suggest you go get them RIGHT NOW because they are like the funniest thing ever. You disagree? Suck a cock! Now listen up, sonny. Eddie Murphy did a series of movies. In these movies he was a cop from Detroit who had to go to Beverly Hills to fight crime because crazy shit was going down up in there. Hence, he became what you might call a "cop in Beverly Hills" or a "Beverly Hills crime fighter." However, in a completely unprecedented move, the film was called Beverly Hills Cop. There were three of these movies because MONEY IS GOOD. I recently had the relatively enjoyable experience of watching all three of these suckers. For those of you who don't feel like reading a whole bunch of stupidity, I can basically sum up what is said in the rest of this review. It is about what you would expect. The movies get progressively worse. For you really slow kids, I'll make this even clearer. One is good, two is not as good, three is the worst. There, now you don't gotta read no more! Oh, are two of you worried that you will miss all the humor contained within the rest of this fun article? Well I will sum that up for you now as well: SHIT FUCK CUNT PISS DOODY PEE ASS FART!!! I will also sing the Beverly Hills Cop theme for you now because everybody loves it. BAH DAH BAHBAH DAH BAHBAH BAH DAH BAHABAH DAH BAH BAH BAHBAHBAHBAHBAHBAHBAH BAH BAAAAAAAAH!!! You see, I am all about fulfilling your needs.

Beverly Hills Cop

For those of you silly fools still sticking around to read the rest of this garbage, let us discuss the first of these films, Beverly Hills Cop. THE HEAT IS ON!! The movie starts with Eddie Murphy trying to trick some crazy guys into making some illegal cigarette deals with him. Yeah, I don't get it either. It's something like these guys have a bunch of boxes of cigarettes but they are not legal cigarettes for some reason? They are Lucky Strikes incidentally. STOCK GOES DOWN FOR LUCKY STRIKE! HA HA! SUCK IT! Anyway, he messes up somehow and this truck goes ALL CRAZY and stuff gets SMASHED. So already in the beginning, you is having fun. Anyway, right after that, Eddie Murphy's former convict friend comes to visit Eddie Murphy and gets SHOT IN THE FACE. Eddie Murphy gets mad and finds out that some naughty in Beverly Hills is responsible for his friend's death so he goes down there to shake things up! Shake it! He also finds out that some rich man that nobody would ever suspect is behind the whole thing so no one believes him. This makes it hard on poor Eddie Murphy but will he prevail regardless?! Will all the people shooting at him miss horribly all the time while Eddie fires back with stunning accuracy?! I don't know! What do you think?! HMM! Anyway, I won't ruin much more for you because this ain't no A.I. review, baby!

This is a funfest, this movie is. Holy shit, the spellchecker seems to think "funfest" is an acceptable word. I didn't know that shit. Fucking crazy. Anyway, this movie is really funny not to mention ACTION PACKED! With action. This movie is really great because of the humor. It is quite clear to me that much of the jokery in this film was Eddie Murphy adlibbing because sometimes the other actors seem confused as to what they are supposed to do with him and his crazy African-Americanness. Also, Eddie cracks up. A LOT. You know the Eddie Murphy laugh? Yes, it is the best ever! You disagree? Eat a dick! Eat a fuckin' dick! Anyway, the fact that Eddie Murphy is adlibbing throughout this film is what elevates it above greatness to...um...ultra-greatness. Yes, I am master of the word. So the reason it works so well in this movie is because Eddie is so damned funny in his own right that it is less like he is playing a character and more like it is just Eddie Murphy fucking with people (in a non-sexual manner). AND FUCK WITH PEOPLE HE DOES!! He basically just messes with everybody and acts like an ass throughout the whole thing. He also does the voice of pretty much every character he has in his arsenal. If you've seen Delirious, you will recognize them for sure. And if you have not seen Delirious, you are a pooeater. You like that poo, huh? A molto tasty? God, I hate my reviews.

Anyway, the first movie in this series was really great. I suggest you watch it, tubby custard. Keep on dancing.

Beverly Hills Cop II

To be quite honest, there's little point in you having to watch any of the other movies in this series. Sure, Eddie Murphy's still funny but his adlibbing appears to be cut down and the movies suffer for it. Also, the plots are just a tad bit recycled. One of Eddie Murphy's friends gets shot up (although in a strange twist, this one doesn't die!!) and Eddie goes "OMG!" and runs to Beverly Hills 90210 because that's where EVERYTHING happens. And you know what else?! Some rich, respected guy did it! But it couldn't be! I mean that is pretty far-fetched you must admit, Eddie! Hopefully Eddie can prove it though, hmm? That is all we can hope for!

Anyway, I didn't DISLIKE this movie. I mean I didn't honestly dislike any of them. I just didn't think it was great like the first one. There were some funny parts in it, yes but not nearly as many. The plot was...um...interesting and definitely a bit more wacky. Billy, who was a wussy cop in the second movie, is now turned in a completely different direction FOR NO REASON AT ALL. Now he is apparently crazy and collects lots of guns and smashes into a bunch of cars with hasty abandon.

I wasn't annoyed or bored while watching this movie but it was still just okay. I also feel like some of it made no sense and I'm still trying to decide if that's because there were plot holes or if I'm just stupid because I'm not very good at following plots with people in them and talking. Also, I didn't understand why at the end of the movie Billy was walking around telling a group of people to freeze and put their hands up as he continued to fire shotgun rounds at them. Yes, if you tell people to put their hands up, generally that's an indication to them that they aren't going to die as long as they do as you tell them. BILLY DOES AWAY WITH THIS OLD STEREOTYPE. I THANK HIM FOR BELIEVING IN PROGRESS. Oh and Taggart (the other funny cop who was in the first movie too, he's the fat one) shoots this tall woman who's about to kill Eddie and says "Women." Eddie laughs at this point. HA HA! JOKES ABOUT A MURDER YOU JUST COMMITTED ARE VERY FUNNY, TAGGART! WHEN YOU ARE A COP, KILLING IS A SILLY! WEEEEE!!

Beverly Hills Cop III

This one is the stupidest and most far-fetched of the three. In an amazing plot twist, one of Eddie's friends gets killed at the beginning and he finds out the murderer resides in Beverly Hills so he has to go back there once again! And some guy who is very rich and very well respected is once again responsible!! Boy, that's original! Anyway, Eddie's still sort of funny as usual but the super adlibbing fun again never reaches the greatness of the first. Also, the movie starts running out of ideas so Eddie becomes a superhero in this one. I mean, yeah, he did a lot of impossible action and bullet-dodging shit in the first two but in this one he saves children from a ferris-wheel type ride that starts basically coming apart at the fucking seams because some stupid guys with a gun come up and start messing around with controls. "MOOG I'M A BIG MAN WITH A FIREARM LEMME AT THEM CONTROLS!" OH NO THEY BROKE! Apparently, fucking with the controls of the ride not only makes it go crazy but starts breaking all the internal gears and stuff and makes the metal that is holding these kids up start breaking and Eddie must save with leaping and falling and the ability to hold on to a rope with one hand for an extended length of time! It's also all obviously superimposed and looks really cheesy. Seeing Eddie sit on a big white thing that's supposed to be part of the ride is funny because you can tell the background is fake so he's really just sitting on a white thing in the middle of a studio. HA HA HA! Loser!

Another thing that's funny about this movie is that the bad guys WORK IN AN AMUSEMENT PARK NAMED WONDERWORLD. That is why Eddie saves children from a ride, you see. I just think it is funny that the bad guys are from an amusement park. GRR! WONDERWORLD WILL CONTROL YOU WITH EVIL AND COUNTERFEIT MONEY! SHMOOGY!

Oh I might also add that the fat cop from the first two films, Taggart, is nowhere to be seen in this one. HMM! What's funny is that there's a line that's clearly designed to explain why Taggart is not there anymore. Eddie says something like "Where is Taggart?! I would like to say some hello!" and Billy says "Well you will have to hop on a plane to Retiredville because he is retired!" I think that is what is said. Something like that anyway. Of course the truth about Taggart is that he was busy making Trapped in Paradise and Little Big League or at least that's what the IMDB says. I've never seen those movies so they must be bad. Taggart is replaced in this movie with another fat guy, however, who seems to act like he's known Eddie Murphy for all three films. OH MY GOD THEY TOOK TAGGART'S BRAIN AND PUT IT IN ANOTHER BALD FATTY'S HEAD! WILL THE BEVERLY HILLS POLICE FORCE NEVER CEASE THEIR SCIENTIFIC MEDDLING!? THEY ARE NOT GOD! THEY ARE NOT GOD!!!!

Bronson Pinchot is also in this movie because he was in the first one and not the second one and they decided that it would be funny if they gave him an overly long scene in this one. He is kind of funny actually, doing his standard foreign gay man thing but he needs a shut anyway. OH CUZIN LARRY! WE HAVE CRAZY TIME TOGETHER IN APARTMENT! He also leads to a relatively unfunny joke in which Eddie has to use a huge gun that looks like a bunch of cardboard put together with tin cans. It also has a microwave and radio in it. LOL! Eddie can't figure out how to use it when he needs to kill bad guys and oh the nonsense! There's also this gruesome scene where a guy gets pushed out of a car and then gets run over by Eddie's car and you can see it is a dummy but his limbs are still all icky and cracky.

Anyway, that's the three movies. See the first one and then see Delirious and Raw because all those things are really funny. The other two movies in this film series are optional but other than that you must do WHATEVER I SAY!!! One thing I forgot to mention is that Eddie Murphy's character in these films is named Axel Foley and throughout every movie there are several occasions in which it sounds like people are saying "asshole" when they say "Axel." See? You can make it funny even when it's not supposed to be. Shine on, you crazy diamond!


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