Lilo & Stitch
Review By: Gringo

Short reviews are the best! This is a good movie and one of the better efforts by Disney in recent years. It is less poop (like Hercules) and more zoop (like The Emperor's New Groove). Hi! I am 11 years old today! Happy birthday, clown!

Anyway, the story is about an alien who lands on Earth - in Hawaii - befriends a little girl, leads a Communist rebellion, eats fecal matter, dances a bit and then DUN DUN DUN stays on Earth after learning the following:

DESTRUCTION = a naughty
LOVING FAMILY = a nice

However, because half of the movie is made up of Stitch - the alien, you dense fuck! - insulting people, beating up animals and regurgitating food, things move along winningly. The other half, which seems to be all the main characters repeatedly saying "Ohana means family, family means no-one gets left behind", is slightly more tedious and in the style of sentimental Disney which runs through all its animated features.

ALSO: can someone in Hawaii or who speaks Hawaiinaeseglish please let me know if 'ohana' really does mean family? Because if not, I am going to jump up and down, shake my fist at Disney and say "GRR!" a lot.

PRESS BUTTON B TO CONTINUE! 10 9 87 7 6 5 4 3 2 HAHAHAHAHA JUST IN TIME!

That is an example of crazy. Sadly, Disney movies seem to attract the crazies, and instead of continuing to review what is essentially a very good cartoon movie, I will now poke fun at random strangers because I want to! Hooray!

Bored out of my mind, I decided to do a search. A SEARCH OF DOOM! I wanted to see if there were already mad people associating themselves with Lilo & Stitch. My search went something like this:

>SEARCH INTERNET

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND "INTERNET"

>FUCK YOU

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND "FUCK"

>COMMON SENSE, PLEASE

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND "COMMON SENSE"

>HAHAHAHAHAHA!

GET A LIFE

You see what I did? I made a joke out of 1980's text computer games! STOP...ME...NOW. At least I discovered a hive of activity for slightly eccentric fans of Lilo & Stitch. Before I continue, let me offer a comparison. Gringo: likes the movie. Members of the Lilo & Stitch group: UNF! It's a mad, mad, mad, mad crazy house!

Anyway, you can click right here to visit this magical fun group. DO IT NOW! What exactly is it that makes these people seem odd? Well, here is the first quote of two I will take from messages posted there.

"My FAVORITE scene from the movie is the: "BLUE PUNCH BUGGY!" *WHAM* "No punch back" LOL I laugh EVERY time I see that...I was walking around work the other day saying that...I can do the voice pretty good too..."

For your information, the "blue punch buggy" scene - like I'm sure the Disney scriptwriters really called it that - involves Stitch picking up a (guessed yet?) blue Volkswagen bug-type stupid car. He then shouts "Blue punch buggy!" as he destroys a house with it. That is all. What I find worrying is that this woman walked round her WORKPLACE saying this. I just hope to hell that she didn't actually do the whole car-throwing bit too.

In addition, the woman uses the phrase "LOL". Need any more justification to ridicule her? How about the fact she clearly practices impersonating Stitch's voice. What a wonderful world!

The other Samuel Stupidhat message I found was this one, again explaining the message writer's choice of favourite scene from the movie:

"When Lilo beats up that other girl for calling her weird (an inner aspiration of mine for a long time)"

Excuse me? How fucked up is that?

"OH HELLO, IT IS MY DREAM TO PUNCH LITTLE GIRLS"

That is all! If you want to see a good movie, see Lilo & Stitch. If you want to avoid the crazies, don't go.


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