The Powerpuff Girls Movie
Review By: Joe

The Powerpuff Girls is one of the better new cartoons around these days because I say so. It is about three little superhero girls named Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup who fly around saving their town (Townsville) and if you did not know all this already you must be a resident of Stupidville, which is a nice place to visit but not really to live because then people may label you as stupid simply because of the name of the town in which you reside. Not fair, really, but inevitable I suppose.

I realize that a lot of people who can read may not watch The Powerpuff Girls because they probably figure it is for little children. Males, in particular, may have issues with the show as admittance to watching it often results in dialogue such as this:

"Say! I like the Powerpuff Girls!"

"I'm feeling fat...and sassy!"

"DOOYOOOAAH!!!!"

"WOOAAHHH!!!"

"YAAHHH!!!!"

"WOOAHHOOOO!!!"

Wait, I didn't mean that at all. Let's try that whole thing again. Here's my lead-in sentence once more!!

Males, in particular, may have issues with the show as admittance to watching it often results in dialogue such as this:

"Say! I like the Powerpuff Girls!"

"Wow! Do you also like men?"

"Well...I'm...friends with guys...yeah..."

"Close friends?"

"I don't know what you are insinuating..."

"YOU LIKE SOME HOMOFUCKING IN THE BUTT, EH HOMO?!"

"No...but I do like the Powerpuff Girls..."

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID. HOMOFUCKING IN THE BUTT!"

Anyway, for those of you unconcerned with the conclusions people may draw upon your personage for watching this show, you shall be rewarded with...THE ABILITY TO WATCH THE SHOW. And, upon further inspection, you will see that, regardless of the fact that it caters to children, the show is full of ROCK 'EM-SOCK 'EM ACTION and also really funny jokes, frequently ones that are clearly aimed for the older crowd. This is how to make a good cartoon! NOW YOU KNOW THE SECRET. GET THE SPATULA. ATTACK THE CHILDREN. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Now, you might say, with such a super cartoon, why wouldn't they go right ahead and make a movie?! WELL GOLLY GEE, SOMEONE HAD THE SAME IDEA AS YOU BECAUSE THERE IS A MOVIE!!! AND, BLOODY HELL, THE SHIT JUST CAME OUT! I SAW IT! YOU GET REVIEW! CRY INTERNALLY FOR ME ARGENTINA! God, I'm stupid.

Now then, the plot of the film deals with the Powerpuff Girls origins even though they are made clear every time the opening of the show comes on. Oh well! The film also deals with the origins of the girls' arch-nemesis, Mojo Jojo, even though this was also detailed in one episode of the show. Oh well! Regardless of all this troublenasty, the film manages to rock hardcore.

The cartoon series on which this film is based has always been chock full of superfun action sequences and the movie does not disappoint here either. One of the early sequences involves the girls playing tag throughout all of Townsville. While this sequence may be a bit drawn out like an Episode I pod racing scene, it's still damn cool (a lot cooler than the Episode I pod racing scene anyway). Actually, I like the entire style and look of this movie. On the show, the art is always rather simplistic and it is the same here but the quality has been all pumped up for the theater. Hence, there's all sorts of cool shading and lighting effects, a bunch of really sweet computer effects, and an overall kick-ass look pervades the entire production. Even the direction looks really great. It's all dynamic and shit, bitch!

The music is similarly rocking. The Powerpuff Girls series is usually dominated by wacky fast techno and the same type of music is used for the movie but, again, the quality has been jacked up and them techno beats are just plain pumping. PUMPING, I TELL YOU. Also, in the credits you get to hear this really fast punk-rocky version of the show's ending theme as well as a song by Frank Black which was reused from the original Powerpuff Girls album. Oh well! It is still a good song! Anyway, enough of the actual film discussion. This shit is boring. Time for some more stupid!

Now many of you may not have gotten together four of your friends to go see this film the day it came out during an afternoon showtime and therefore do not know the wonderful experience you would receive for doing so. Guess who can enlighten you to the nature of this glory?! That is right! Jesus! No wait, me!! Here we go, friendly friends!

KIDS ARE FUCKING WACKY. You see, it would seem that a lot of parents bring their kids to movies such as the Powerpuff Girls as it is somewhat kid-oriented, I suppose. Kids are noisy little motherfuckers. This fact was proven to me as the children in the theater provided a steady undercurrent of sound throughout the entire film. This was, admittedly, quite irritating and I honestly would've enjoyed the movie more without it. Oh and there was one of them cryin' kids there who started cryin'. I didn't care much for his homosexuality. I also disliked the woman in front of me who seemed to think it was her solemn duty as an adult figure to audibly say "awwwww" anytime a shot of the Powerpuffs being cute was presented. But back to children!

There were some rockin' kids in the theater who made glorious comments that made my friends and I crack up. Although I don't really remember individual comments too well, many of them were obvious ones like the little kid who stated during the Dexter's Laboratory cartoon before the actual movie started, "That's Dexter." YOU AIN'T JUST WHISTLIN' DIXIE, LITTLE JOHNNY. There was also some little girl with a Blossom doll that decided to make it say during the movie, "Fighting crime is hard work!" Anyway, these things were funny to me and my friends...maybe not to you...but you are a jerk. However, the funniest kid in the theater was this one very over-excitable little boy who quite early in the feature screamed the following words of wisdom, "Aah! Aaaah! Aaaah! AhhaaaAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

This kid fucking rocked and proceeded to wig out several more times throughout the film. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure his mom picked him up and left the theater sometime during the movie because she didn't flow with his jive. It was a real shame too because there were later exciting parts in the film where I could just tell that kid would've been shrieking his fucking head off. It would've been gold, man! But such is life.

So, to sum up for those of you who got lost somewhere back in the first paragraph, this is a fine film. It is fun and it is cool and it is not homosexual at all regardless of what that stinky fatty in your gym class tells you. My only real complaint about this movie is that it is a tad slow moving at the beginning, I suppose, and also that most of the really great jokes are contained within the latter portion. Oh and Mojo Jojo really should have had more lines with more funny in them. One other complaint I had is that the ending was not that of the one my friend had conceived.

You see, in the commercial for the movie, there is a clip of a scene in which the girls carry their father, the Professor, through the air as they fly while a really happy song plays in the background that goes "That's! What! Giiirls doooo!" Now although this isn't actually a clip from the ending scene of the movie, my friend felt it would be best if it was and that immediately following, the girls accidentally drop the Professor who falls a great distance and perishes on the ground below. At this point the following dialogue occurs:

Blossom: "Oh my God!!! We just killed our father!"
Bubbles: "Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!"
Buttercup: "This is not happening!"

Then the credits roll as "That's! What! Giiirls doooo!" plays joyously. My friend and I imagine that, were this the real ending, the reaction of the crowd would be some confused clapping (which sounds like this: "Clap......clap.....clap.....clap?") here and there and at least one kid bawling his fucking eyes out. Sadly, the real ending is quite different but I suppose you don't always get what you want. For example, George W. Bush is president.


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