National Treasure
Review By: Gringo

ARRRGH! Thar be traysure yonder!

Using the style of a grizzled pirate would have been a really creative way to write a review about the movie National Treasure. Instead, I'm going to continue like this. You want originality? Then go write a comic book about a bunch of minority superheroes! Go on, I dare you! You could have Cerebro - the valiant cerebal palsy sufferer with a wheeelchair armed with gadgets like rockets and a jet pack, all launched by the touch of one of those pointers some people with the disability wear on their foreheads. And the big boss of the good guys - kind of like their Professor X - could be a disabled, gay, black, Jewish, homeless, half-Mexican called Professor Outcast. Want more ideas? E-mail me! We could work together and be the next Kavalier and Clay! of the perks of living in the former British colony of America is that I get to see a bunch of new movies literally months before they would have come out in England. Yes, we still use hand-wound projection machines at our British cinemas, and up until last week we still had intervals, even during movies such as Baby's Day Out (even though the interval was merely a chance for people to go to the toilets, lock themselves into a cubicle and sob for 10 minutes). So far I've seen the good (RayAndrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom Of The Opera) and the ugly (Meet The Fockers...really, who wants to see Barbra Streisand mount and ride Robert De Niro?).

So what did I think of National Treasure? Is it a [insert clever literary reference here] to a [insert clever cinematic reference here], or just a [insert obnoxious word I had to look up in a thesaurus here] to a [insert a word I don't even know the meaning of but chose because it was more than 10 letters long]? Want to know the answer? Read on!

Maybe because I liked the musical 1776 (which was about the Declaration of Independence), or maybe because I'm a boring dork, I've always kind of been interested in the Founding Fathers era of American history. So I was quite interested to see a movie about a bunch of treasure hunters who go in search of vast treasure that said paternal people apparently hid somewhere. The downsides? Nicolas Cage. I've never been a huge fan of his, but considering he's a millionaire and known worldwide, I really doubt he gives a fuck.

So I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. He's incredibly funny and fits the action role as and when it demands. Even the supporting actors are fantastic; the guy who plays Cage's techno-geek sidekick Riley is the best example of comic relief I've seen in an action adventure movie in years, and just goes to highlight times when the comic relief is handled so poorly you just want to break the teeth of the actor performing it (hello, Van Hesling! There is no hiding place for you!). The blonde woman who plays Cage's love interest is also excellent, but she's a chick and as we know it's the gay way or no way, baby!

The only downside to this movie is that it stars Sean Bean. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it stars Sean Bean as a bad guy. I'm kind of tired of seeing him play the same role and would like to see him be the good guy for a change (fuck off, Lord Of The Rings dorks, I've only seen the first movie of the trilogy and didn't pay much attention, so don't point out that role to me). Refreshingly, he actually likes his henchmen and they're not a bunch of dumb Keystone Killers who fall over and wear shoes that make honking noises.

It's a rather clever script, if a little goofy in places, that forms the backbone to National Treasure and the speed of the movie is such that your attention really won't wane for the duration. It's also nice to see a blockbuster make the most of seemingly non-exotic locations such as Boston, Philadelphia and Washington D.C.

Plus, during the D.C. scenes, I could point and scream "I've been there!". Which was great, until the guy sitting next to me got annoyed, punched me in the face and I passed out.

I wonder how this movie ends.

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