Hellboy
Review By: Lauren

Hey mother fuckers! Do you like me calling you names? Huh? Fat fags! You like it because I say you like it. Now read my review and lick Ross's clit! Ok?

My thoughts when I seen the advertisement:

Me: Oh snap nigga! This movie Hellboy looks like the bomb!
The commercials: I am! Come watch me!
Me: Alrighty!

Hellboy the comic kicks my ass off. So when I first seen the previews I got half stalked. But oh how wrong I was.

The movie starts out with Nazis opening up a portal so the "Seven Gods of Chaos" will roam the Earth. The Nazis were foiled by a team of fat Americans, but not before some smaller creatures were released. Fat Man One finds the little demon and gives him a cookie and holds him. Hey wait, I have a fucking brilliant idea! Let's give this DEMON a cookie and pet it! It's going to be so fun! Also the computer generated image of the demon sucked ass. Here is a perfect replica of the CG:

Fuck you! That's how it looked. You don't know me! You don't know me!

The guy who plays Hellboy barely has any make up on. Seriously. He is the guy who played beast on the live action Beauty and the Beast. He is so ugly, I was like, dammmmmmmn! OK on to the "plot".

Well to make a long story short, Hellboy goes around and battles monsters. Big scary slimy monsters! Here is a replica of the beasts.

There are these nasty monsters that form two monsters every time you kill one and then they bred like Mexicans. So Hellboy has to find a way to stop these monsters. Blah Blah Blah. Shit blows up, he wins, I get a refund.

HAVE A FUCKING COOKIE, HELLBOY


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