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January 22nd, 2004
Iowa Schmiowa

DES MOINES, Iowa - So the Democratic race for the White House has been thrown wide open because (1) Howard Dean's too liberal, (2) Dick Gephardt's too old, (3) John Edwards is so sexy and (4) John Kerry's sunken face is hypnotic.

But fickle voters in the Sheriff Gringo for President campaign are like people from the Middle East on a domestic US flight - they're not welcome. Gringo's position is stronger than ever, and his supporters keep on growing! In numbers and waist size!

Sheriff Gringo is pleased to announce he got 100% of the vote in his Iowa caucus. True, it wasn't held in Iowa, no-one was watching, the Sheriff was the only candidate, and it didn't even take place, but that's beside the point.

Can you see that crippled little child above? You can just make out a smiling face under that head bandage, crutch and - more importantly - the poorly-made but well-intended Sheriff Gringo For President banner.

Yes! It's another supporter! Turns out hospitals aren't just places of death, because we found two new Gringo backers on the wards. Check out the voters' gallery for more pictures of people proud to say that they're going our way.

Why don't you send in your picture of support? Come on, what else are you going to do with the rest of the month? It's not like you've got to do anything special. That's it for January. Next up...New Hampshire!

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