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October 27th, 2003
Gringo Takes On The Immigrants

YUMA COUNTY, Arizona - The Sheriff is back among yokels, wheat-chewers and pig farmers as he tours the country aboard the Gringo Express. The sturdy campaign truck is really paying off, especially now that the Sheriff managed to land some blind guy with the weekly gasoline bill.

Why is he in this part of the United States, you ask? Well, my delightful little voter, I'll tell you. The Sheriff received an e-mail from Mark R. Ferran which was packed tighter with information than a child pornography stash is wedged in a certain Catholic priest's closet! This e-mail was all about an issue close to Gringo's heart.

Yes, it was immigration. Sadly, on the Sheriff's modem connection it took three days to download the entire e-mail, which was about 10,000 words too long. Gringo's busy schedule and lack of caring meant he only skim-read a couple of paragraphs, but feels that is enough to justify making his stance clear.

Now, this site describes the e-mail as a "a stupid letter". But Sheriff Gringo today revealed exclusively to his campaign supporters that: "Today, I am revealing exclusively to my campaign supporters that although I didn't really care what was in the e-mail, I want to make clear I favour open immigration."

Gringo added: "My parents Pablo and Mimi were Mexicans who moved to New Jersey in the hope of a better life. Although trying to find one in that state was like the proverbial needle in a haystack, they persevered, and eventually gave birth to me. So something good did come out of moving to America.

"What are we if not a land of opportunity for all? What is America if foreigners can't come over here, deal crack and get put in jail to be raped for the rest of their lives? What sort of nation are we if we don't get houses, hospitals and schools built faster and cheaper by over-worked Latinos?

"Without open immigration, we will never get the proper medical care we need because Indian doctors wouldn't be able to take over top roles in emergency rooms. We'd never be the leading nation in the world if Asians weren't allowed to run our technology industries. Immigrants plus America equals success.

"In a nation where we can fry people on the electric chair, I say it shouldn't matter whether you're black, white, purple or blue, you should all cook at the same voltage for the same amount of time. Now that I've solved that issue, bring on the rest and let me show you where I stand."

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