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March 21st, 2004
Where Were You In '72?

WASHINGTON, DC - In the Police Academy series of life, Sheriff Gringo is a little bit like number five, Assignment: Miami Beach. He's a little bit different, a little bit challenging, and nothing whatsoever to do with Steve Guttenburg. And that can only be a good thing!

Gringo made this point - and many others - clear during a sensational appearance on NBC's Meet The Press. The third-party candidate shared his views on everything and anything, shocking even his campaign managers with his bold move of declaring "I don't need a cunty script" before going on air.

But the maverick approach worked! More than 10 million viewers tuned in* to watch the Sheriff's performance and judging by the response at campaign headquarters, quite a few became Gringo converts overnight! Maybe it was what Gringo said. Maybe it was the need for change. Maybe it was the Sheriff's sharp suit.

Now, there has been a lot of furore about what John Kerry and George W. Bush were up to in the '70s when that whole wacky Vietnam trip was going on. Most people known that Kerry was shooting Asians in the face and earning medals while Bush was making airplane noises and playing baseball in Texas. Ralph Nader was...well, who cares?

But what was Gringo up to? Well, he was keeping the peace in his own way! Never one to alienate any groups, Gringo kept the law up in El Town by jailing, maiming or lynching any anti-war protesters. Then, for good measure, he sent the protesters off to Vietnam to fight. Everyone won! Well, except America.

In today's dangerous climate, there is only one candidate you can trust on national and international security. Besides, if you don't vote for Gringo, he'll just send someone round to your house to bully you into changing your mind. Remember: support Gringo. Your life may depend on it!

*This programme may or may not have happened

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