Life has been a long and rewarding journey for Sheriff Gringo. Ever since his childhood, he knew he wanted to help people. After beating up a child who stole his lunch money, Gringo knew that vengeance had a new icon. Here you can learn more about the history of El Town's Sheriff, currently serving his sixth consecutive term in that position.
Gringo was born on June 15th, 1801, to parents too lazy to give him a first name. Pablo and Mimi Gringo were immigrants who had moved from Mexico to the small village of Outhouse, New Jersey. Pablo opened a saloon and was promptly shot dead on opening night. Mimi opened a whore house and enjoyed instant success. There is some dispute whether Gringo is the direct offspring of Pablo Gringo, or one of Mimi's clients.
However, Mimi embraced Gringo as her true son, and Gringo's childhood was a pleasant, hard-working one. Aided by his mother's strong financial status and popularity amongst the village people, Gringo found himself in a position to help others. When he was ten years old, his lunch money was stolen whilst he was enrolled at Outhouse Elementary School. He promptly beat up the thief and never looked back.
Leaving Outhouse, and Mimi Gringo, behind at the age of 18, Gringo joined Brothel University, in northern New Jersey. He studied law, and graduated with the highest results of his class. His tutors were later found bound and gagged in the cellar of the university. Their faces had been blown away by a shotgun.
Graduating To The Real World
With a strong degree, the world was Gringo's proverbial oyster. However, he felt a debt of gratitude to the people of Outhouse and returned to the village. He spent two years working as a trash collector in the village, and often found his hands covered in poop and, for that time in history, unknown bacteria and diseases.
In 1823, Gringo met his future wife Senorita, who was working at Mimi Gringo's whore house. The couple would marry just two years later, when Gringo finally managed to knock some sense into Senorita and get her to agree to a wedding. She also said "Please stop hitting me" but Gringo took little notice.
Sadness struck Gringo's life in 1824, when his mother was murdered by gentrified English criminal mastermind Leslie Fruitloop, who owned questionable 'all male-only entertainment' houses in several New Jersey cities. Desperate to avenge his mother's death, Gringo left his trash collecting job and joined the local Sheriff's law enforcement team.
After showing great promise by killing twenty suspects of various crimes instead of waiting for the inconvenience of a trial, Gringo was posted as Deputy Sheriff in El Town, a small home to misfits in southern New Jersey.
The Deputy Becomes The Sheriff
Just one week later, in a dispute over the last cookie in the cupboard, Gringo shot dead the Sheriff of El Town. His plea of self-defence was accepted, and in the ensuing Sheriff election, Gringo won with 100% of the vote. His challenger, Samuel Peahead, got a punch for his efforts.
Gringo has served the people of El Town with dedication during his tenure. Most recently, Leslie Fruitloop was apprehended, although he has escaped before so don't hold your breath. Last year, Gringo was re-elected as Sheriff for a fifth time, running unopposed. His campaign of "Vote For Me Or Not At All, Or I'll Break Your Legs" was a huge vote-winner.
A Senate Campaign
Sheriff Gringo was proud of the work he had done in El Town. By 2002, crime had increased only 25%. Murders only slightly increased by 34%, with robberies cut to just 80% of households. Street crime stayed consistent at 100% of residents, and Gringo hoped to maintain these numbers during his then term in office.
However, he saw a need for a new, definitive voice in New Jersey politics and hoped to attract attention to his campaign for the New Jersey Senate election in November, 2002. Pledging to give generous tax cuts to all people called Gringo and threatening others with physical violence, Sheriff Gringo hoped destiny would make him Senator Gringo.
Destiny failed to take notice, and Gringo lost the election.
However, he had tasted a bite of the politics pie and decided he wanted a bigger mouthful. After successfully killing, bribing or kidnapping his opponents to be re-elected Sheriff of El Town in 2003 (with 99.9% of the vote, the other 0.01% being kicked out of the state), Gringo began planning his run for the Presidency in 2004.
The Sheriff is leaving New Jersey for the first time in his life to tour each of the 50 American states, hoping to convince or intimidate enough voters into abandoning the traditional two-party system and instead vote for a third-party candidate.