Tropico 2: Pirate Cove
Review By: Gringo

Aar, this be a mighty fine game!

Ye be playing like in Tropico, sonny, but it be like better than before, you see. Avast me hearties, ye must play as a pirate captain and show the bilge rats and scurvy seadogs ye know what's best for them. D'arr, ye must raise the pieces of eight while plundering booty and building taverns where ye men can have their bottles of rum. Yar, it be…


Tropico 2: Pirate Cove is a good game. Although don't take my word for it, because I sold it to some guy on eBay three days after buying it. And I got more than I paid for it! And on top of that, I ripped the guy off for more than $10 extra he shouldn't have had to pay on postage and packing! Capitalism fucking rules!

It's very much like the first game in that you are put in charge of an island deep in the Caribbean and expected to make a success of it. This you do by recruiting pirates, sending them off to do battle on the high sea and coming back with gold. The gold is then used to pay for swish buildings to keep your pirates happy. It's the circle of life! DE KING HAS RETURNED!

You know what? I really like the game. And I really like starting sentences with the word and. The graphics may not be anything outstanding, but the offbeat nature of the game makes for a fun time in the Gringo homestead.

The music is suitably cliché, sounding about as authentic as the soundtrack to the Disneyland Pirates of the Caribbean ride, but it fits in with the game.

But you don't care about that! You care about hurting people! This game doesn't disappoint. Seriously, what sort of title doesn't whack the pants off you when you can kill someone and then raise their dead skeleton to do manual labour? It's everything I ever dreamed of and more!

You can also build more pubs than houses, litter streets with perfectly legal whorehouses and either jail or kill the citizens that bother you. It's like the first Tropico but even more enjoyable. If I had a penis growing out of my forehead, I'd say "It's one of those rare instances where a sequel exceeds the original!" Also, if I did have a penis growing there, I'd spend most of the time giving myself oral sex. Not that I'd ever put a cock in my mouth. Uh...I seem to be digging a hole here...NO, NOT THAT TYPE OF HOLE!

You know something else? I quite liked Pirates Of The Caribbean.

But I still think Orlando Bloom is a prick.

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