Review By: Joe
Hello chums! I went to the arcade a little while back with my fatty friend who is fat. We were looking around when we saw that they had a new game, Resident Evil: Gun Survivor 2 - Code: Veronica. "NOW THAT IS A BAD ASS!" thought us. That is what we thought. We was thinking that. With the thinking we was. You see, my friend and I, we like the Resident Evil games some. They are fun, although admittedly flawed with control and such and, anyhoo, we thought this arcade game might be a fun little diversion. AND INDEED IT WAS!!! I will now give you a review because my new contract requires that I only review things that have to do with Resident Evil. First the movie, now this, THEN THE WORLD (Resident Evil-related)!!!!
Gun Survivor 2 is the second (NO SHIT) in a series of first person shooter adventure thingies set in the Resident Evil world. I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure the first one only came out for the Playstation and I'm quite certain it was utter shit. This second one is supposed to sorta-kinda follow the storyline of Resident Evil: Code Veronica which is a good game, from what I'm told, because I bought it for PS2 but never got around to playing it. Probably because my PS2 got stolen. WOO! Anyway, this arcade version is a bit different from the original game in that it basically sums up all the events of the game in about fifteen minutes, which is not a very long time. NOT VERY LONG INDEED.
You play the game by holding on to this big gun thingy that sits in front of the screen. NOW HERE IS THE WACKY PART. It's not like those other light gun games where the game just directs you wherever the fuck it wants and throws shit at you to kill. OH NO NO NO. Instead, in an effort to recreate the whole adventure/exploration aspect of the other Resident Evil games, you actually push the gun (it like sits in a rubber base thing) around to control where you walk. This is actually a novel idea and is pretty fun. Admittedly, it is somewhat hard to control. Trying to shoot zombies while walking is not the easiest thing in the world and it's sort of hard to strafe left and right without bumping into shit because it's hard to move the gun in two directions at once. Also, you can only move in one plane so you can't really aim up or down. This is a shame because you can't blow up zombie heads due to the fact that you can't aim at them at all. Coincidentally, this lack of exploding zombie heads was the same problem I had with the movie. WACKYPANTS, DR. JOHNSON! YOU NARCOLEPTIC FUCK! What?
The game is basically played thusly. You are given a map, you walk around locations, following the map, whilst shooting zombies and other undead things on your way to reaching a key (which you find by going to the little key icon on the map, SEE HOW INTUITIVE?) then you escape the level through a door with a biohazard symbol on it and get to fight a boss. You also get to pick up cool weapons along the way, in addition to the gun you start with (which has unlimited ammo) like machine guns and shotguns. The game is more fun with two players, definitely. My friend played it so that we each got to control one console next to each other and we got to help each other kill shit, bosses most notably. Also, on some levels where there are two keys, you can split up so one person grabs one key and the other person goes for the other. In short, I'd recommend playing this with a friend.
Now, the best part about this game. This is really the whole reason I bothered to review it (also because you REALLY care). You can actually win it rather simply. See, most arcade games are ridiculously hard. You can usually count on extremely unfair odds as well as frequent enemies jumping out at you from all sides so that you will die in the shortest time possible and put more money into the machine. Yes, that is the secret of nearly all arcade games. They crave only your money (and soul). Gun Survivor 2 surprised me in that it's not really all that hard. It took me awhile before a zombie actually bit me and, in the end, I think I only used about three bucks in total (I think it was fifty cents for each life). My friend was better at the game and used even less money so I thought that was cool.
So, I propose this to you. If you happen to go to your local arcade some day and this game is available for play, bring a friend and beat this game's ass in fifteen minutes. You only need to be about average in your video game-playing proficiency and you'll probably only spend five bucks at the very most. Then you can say you've beaten an arcade game and you never have to go back to the arcade ever again!!! Oh yeah, I also forgot to mention that you should watch the cutscenes in the game because the translation is absolutely awful and, hence, hilarious. What more do you need? Get your fat ass down to the arcade, Melvin!!
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