Biography of Robert Dole

Toledo Savarez was born to Pocholo and Machoola Savarez in 1764, just outside the town of Luepa, Venezuala. He worked at their pineapple farm until age 13, at which point he was kidnapped by a roaming band of monkeys. He lived happily with his adopted parents Bobo and Chacha, swinging from tree limbs and eating fruit (Which later earned him the nickname "monkeyboy" among his pals in the Senate) for many years.
When he was 22, Toledo decided it was time for him to go see the world. He left the monkeys and set off torwards America, completely naked and alone. He didn't make it, however - having never been exposed to concepts such as North, South, East and West, Toledo swam all the way across the Atlantic Ocean and ended up in Morocco. He was found in an alleyway two months later by a kindly merchant, eating out of a garbage can. The merchant took him in, although Bob had lost all language skills and didn't understand that sniffing people was not okay.
The merchant clothed and fed him, and taught him how to communicate with other humans. He worked with this merchant for a few years, when he met a group of travelling monks in Persia. He became fascinated with their ability to fly and shoot lasers from their eyes, and decided right there and then that he too must become one. He bid farewell to the man who brought him back to civilization, and started off on the long road to Tibet. He studied in a monastary for 38 years, becoming one of the most powerful monks in Tibet - one of the few to know the secret to eternal life. His dedication and strength allowed his monastary to win many inter-Tibet softball tournaments, but his heart was not in monking any longer. He slipped out one night, never to return.
He roamed the earth for a hundred years, never aging, never tiring, until the day he came to America at last. He decided he liked the country, and settled down under the assumed name Robert Dole. In 1941 it became apparent that his newfound home needed him - it was the beggining of the Great Space Robots war. Piloting a starfighter againt the Robots From Space, Bob distinguished himself in battle. In 1945 it was clear the war would go on much longer if not ended quickly, so President Ricky Ricardo decided to nuke the bastards. The war ended, the citizens rejoiced, and Bob went into politics. Today he is 238 years old with ED and an inexplainable affinity for holding pens.
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