Thursday, March 23, 2006

This is a blog for the menfolk out there with the tinkle-willies.

I realize this blog may alienate the females, but I've been trying to do that for awhile now and they're still just all over me like like flies to a INAPPROPRIATE JOKE OMITTED.

So, boyos, you know like when you go into a public bathroom to use the urinals (I will keep women in the know by telling them that urinals are like toilets you stand up to use and you can only pee in them)? You ever go in there to pee and there's one or two other people in there peeing alongside you (there are no barriers between the urinals, ladies, okay?) or, at least, in your general vicinity?

But...THE HORROR!!! you ever set yourself up in front of one of these devices only to find that...YOU CAN'T PEE??? Golly, what an atrocious kerfuffle that be!!! You stand there, hearing the sounds of others' streams cascading off the porcelain, echoing around you, MOCKING YOU WITH THEIR RELIEF and you stand there like a damn idjit, not able to make your thang go!!

This is about your manhood, this is! This is about proving you're one of the guys! You come in there to pee and you can't perform, you look like a damn jackass! No peeing is like admitting you shower with your underwear on, WHICH YOU PROBABLY DO, NOPEE (that's your new name, Nopee).

You can, of course, redeem yourself, if you eventually get that urine out of there! But if you have to LEAVE without getting your business DONE?? You'd damn well better wash your hands like you accomplished something in front of that urinal! Do we believe you? Hell no, we don't, loser! But you can try anyway. And then go to a John Mayer concert! Because you might as well go idolize some pansy who only makes music to get himself laid! He probably can't pee on command either.

Go pee in a urinal next to John Mayer!



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