Friday, March 03, 2006

Internet Lament - A Tell-All Rap Blog

The moment the Internet becomes all but obscure to me is the moment I'll know I've finally reached full maturity.

The Internet has taken from me my whole life! Otherwise, by now I'd have a job and a wife!

This much I am convinced: the Internet sucks! From your soul, from your heart, from your body, from your bucks!

'Bout time I started taking myself in a new direction, cuz nasty online porn is all that gives me an erection!

Instead of goin' out, partyin', and havin' a blast, sat inside all damn weekend on internet chats!

Everyone on the web's got a goddamned opinion, get into worthless arguments and nobody wins 'em!

When I die on my tombstone you'll read the epitaph, "http://helovedtolaugh

.COM"! My experiences can all fit on one CD-ROM, poorly burned so it skips while you listen to the songs!

I know I shouldn't be here! I don't wanna be bloggin'! I should be makin' money, lvin', lovin', talkin', and joggin'!

I got awful-ass posture and a crick in my neck! I'm an internet casualty, not a man, but a wreck!

As though I needed one more reason for women to hate me, my knowledge of online trends means that no one will date me!

I have a lot of trouble goin' face to face with girls, most of the one's I talk to live halfway round the world!

And I'm really fuckin' frightened 'bout the decline of language, "u" is "you" "r" is "are" and "asl" it's insane, bitch!

It's really shitty when you find your at the head of a fad, and then the people you hate jump on the idea you had!

Surrounded on all virtual sides by idiots tiping lik tihs, come up close to the screen, my cyber-butt you can kiss!

Wanna escape back to the real world and never, never, read another post, blog, or myspace profile ever!

But, it's too late, we're all lost, I guess this is it.

The Internet's taken over, like fuckin' Skynet and shit.

2 Comments:

Can't Dance said...

I am reading this at 25 to midnight and I'm tired as fuck and therefore this is very very funny. Not that it wouldn't be in ther cold light of day, but I suspect the fact that I've been sitting here reading your website and blog for fucking hours on end has something to do with why.

You're actually a pretty good writer, you know. Bloody well done.

3:41 PM  
Joeplork said...

Well, thank you very much! I just now found this comment because I didn't think anybody really commented on my blog. I can't even seem to find what date you left this at. Anyway, thank you for the compliment just the same!

12:09 AM  

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