Life Explained in Six Bite-Sized Chunks

1. TODDLER

Entertained by: Shiny things, flashing things, moving things, eating.

Worth measured by: How often mom and dad (or equivalent guardian) are around.

2. CHILDHOOD

Entertained by: Imagination, stuff made out of plastic.

Worth measured by: How much more plastic you have than other kids.

3. TEENAGER

Entertained by: Drugs, alcohol, negativity, sex (or the prospect of it at least), acts of ultimately fruitless rebellion.

Worth measured by: How well-versed you are in the aforementioned forms of entertainment.

4. YOUNG ADULT

Entertained by: Drugs, alcohol, sex, apathy and/or partying.

Worth measured by: How drunk and high you got that one night. How many people you are acquainted with. For heterosexual males: The number of girls you've engaged in some form of sexual congress with (the more varied the types of acts, the higher you score, literally and figuratively!!!)

5. ADULTHOOD

Entertained by: Owning stuff, alcohol, sex.

Worth measured by: How much more stuff you have than other people.

6. OLD AGE

Entertained by: Shiny things, flashing things, moving things, eating.

Worth measured by: Worth?

THE END! :):):):):):):):):):)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!