Friday, February 24, 2006

If Jesus Could Fly

If Jesus could fly I'd be more inclined to believe he was our savior. Like, for example, if in the Bible it said "Then Jesus up and started flyin' around the joint!" I think I'd have to believe more whole-heartedly in the son of God (or "the Big Dawg" as he's often referred to on the Grammies).

Think about it! All the brotha did was walk on some water! Sheeoot! Is this really all that interesting? What about those little bugs that skate around on the water? Are THOSE all my saviors? Skatin' around on the water as they do and such? I mean, really now, the big J couldn't even run across! Had to carefully pick his way across, didn't he? Bet he was all trepedacious about it too, hands out to the sides, teetering dangerously like a drunken fat boy on a window ledge (I seen it!), muttering to himself "Oh God, oh Jesus, don't fall in, don't fall in, everyone's watching you, damn it, you're so stupid, why'd you even come out here, okay shut up shut up! Just focus. FOCUSSSSS!!!"

And these bugs! They frickin' skate! SKATE!!! Like it ain't no thang! Got Jesus BEAT cold!! Do they fly too? If they do, well crap, Jesus, don't quit your day job, pal. Lots of bugs walk on the walls too by the way, Jesus. Fred Astaire even got up on the ceilings! Can someone say, DETHRONEMENT, JESUS? CAN SOMEONE? PLEASE??? THANKS.

All I'm saying is that if the guy flew, we wouldn't have this problem. Right now I'm more inclined to worship the man of steel, you know what I'm saying? Guy can turn back time if he wants. What'd you do, Jees? Made a whole lot of bread and fish? Hi, yeah, thanks for the prison food, bro. I bet all the people there were like "Oh...fish...uh...yummy."

Next time you show up I wanna see one hell of an apocalypse (I'm talking rivaling the effects of Terminator 2 here) or we're gonna have words.

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