Tuesday, February 14, 2006

How Important Valentine's Day is to My Dad

My dad is hilarious. Him and my mom are old people (in their sixties) who have been together far too long. They tolerate each other but, really, there's not a huge spark going on there, you know?

Anyway, my mom made the effort to go out and buy him a VD (haw haw!) card. It said something like "I AM GLAD CUPID CHOSE YOU!" or something sappy of that nature. Then she wrote some apparently heartfelt message on the bottom about how they've been together for over thirty years, yadda yadda yadda.

My dad opens the card, reads it, writes on the top flap "Same to you!" signs it, and gives it back to her.

Even better, when he sees me later in the day he shows me it, all pleased with himself about what a funny bastard he is.

"You can't put a price on a sense of humor like that," I said to my mom.

Incidentally, the thought of getting a card for my parents never crossed my mind, but it's something my mom evidently sort of expects (what, am I trying to DATE THEM?). I made it quite clear I hadn't gotten a damn thing for them so my mom gave me a free card she got in the mail from some Christian foundation.

It had a bunch of crap on it about God blessing you for VD (yaw haw!) and some other stuff with God in it on the inside too. Also, there was some odd message saying "A mass is being held in your honor at [SOME CHURCH]!"

My dad is Egyptian and has a humorous obsession with mentioning "Mohammad," you know, the guy that's caused all the silly recent hubbub. So I just crossed out any mention of "God" and wrote "Mohammad." Next to the part where it mentioned the mass, I wrote "YAY!" and circled it. I sealed it in an envelope, wrote "TO MA + PA!" on it and called it a day.

Hilariously enough, my dad apparently really enjoyed it, and my mom seemed to like it too.

If I had a girlfriend though, I'd probably be screwed...which is to say I wouldn't. GET IT?!??

HAPPY VD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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