The Internet is no good.

It's a universal truth and (warning: self-deprecating joke ahead) one we're all too aware of with running this site. There's a lot of crap out there on the Internet. But despite the bestial porn, the fan pictures of Aragorn and Legolas getting it on and the places where people with no friends can tell an entire world about their empty lives, there's more to be found.

More fetishes! More bad journals! More unfunny comedy sites! More Something Awful/X-E/etc. rip-offs (second self-deprecating joke avoided)! More everything! And now it's your turn to reveal the best, and worst, Internet sites out there - and maybe win a bunch of free stuff for the effort.

The Internet is still no good.

For no real reason, we launched a contest to find the 100 Best & Worst Internet Sites...Ever! And yes, we hoped to get into the top five worst with this site. By the way, that "...ever!" part is in-keeping with the overblown self-importance lists like this must have. But you don't care about that! You care about free stuff!

Here's what people had to do: e-mail their five top and five bottom Internet sites, ideally with a sentence or two explaining the reasons for your praise and hatred. Five people who take part will soon be pulled out of an imaginary hat and get prizes, so it's not cliché or a lie to say that anyone could win. The lucky ones will be sent the following prizes in the order they're drawn from the make-believe hat:

1st Prize
The Indiana Jones Trilogy (R1 DVD), Grand Theft Auto III (PC), an all-important GRINGO mug, the Michael Moore book Dude, Where's My Country? and a pro-Nixon campaign button for contrast.

2nd Prize
The Lion King: Platinum Edition (R1 DVD), Escape From Monkey Island (PS2), and a 128-page Calvin & Hobbes book.

3rd Prize
My Fellow Americans (VHS) and a pack of jelly beans.

4th Prize
Dennis Miller Live (VHS) and a magical, whimsical novelty item of mystery! It's pretty mysterious.

5th Prize
A bar of Irish Spring Fresh soap (unused) and a really bad CD of supposedly Hawaiian tunes.

No, really, the Internet is no good.

The bizarre prizes have been chosen because (1) they've got tenuous links to articles on this site and (2) we can lie and pretend that the random nature of the prizes reflects the obscure character of the Internet. Yeah.

Mucho thank-o to the many, many people who entered (although going through each entry was a real pain in the ass), and both the prize winners and best and worst websites...ever! will soon be announced. STAY TUNED, CAPTAIN!

The Internet is...etc.

This website is © 2001-2008 Listen To Me. All pictures, sounds and other stuff which doesn't belong to us is © its respective owner(s). Everything else is a free-for-all. Steal anything we created (as if you'd ever want to) and we'll...well, we probably won't be motivated to do anything. But you never know. And yes, that is Colonel Sanders throwing a punch at this copyright notice. SMACK